This website is satire and best viewed with a healthy dose of skepticism and a strong sense of humor.
what a disappointment
I’m sure they will get their fair share of people taking it seriously, even though it’s satire
They should just put 😉 at the end
https://stealmytesla.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/0_0-1.jpg
That thumb has a foreskin. AI generated images are still hilarious
And the hieroglyphs on the notes, and the funny face of whoever is on the note.
🤣
Also they appear to be $1 bills so that’s the cheapest bribe anyone has ever taken.
So long as only victims are insurance companies and Tesla, I am okay with it. To be fair, they kinda deserve it.
Tesla has its own insurance company so double whammy lmao
Well, no, it’s all of us, because of how insurance works. Payouts go up, premiums go up. As long as the number of destroyed Teslas is a drop in the ocean we won’t notice, but lots of companies love a good excuse to put prices up and this is just handing them a gold plated excuse on a silver platter.
Well, they’d put the premiums up on tesla owners as the cars now carry increased risk.
Yes of course that’d be their primary source. But if that doesn’t cover all the payouts then it’ll lead to a general increase in insurance premiums for everyone.
No, because insurers are already maximising their prices. If they could increase they would. If they don’t price fairly (price inc. vandalism on Teslas only) then they will lose business to other insurers who have proportionally less Teslas on their books.
At least I’d be getting charged more for a real thing and not the normal made up reasons behind price hikes.
I honesty don’t think vandalism is covered under a lot of insurance policies.
Also I have yet to see a vandalized Tesla. It would be pretty silly for you to go vandalize a car as that’s not something you want on your criminal record.
Just a reminder that insurance is a scam. You are compelled to pay for it under penalty of law in the case of car insurance, and the insurance companies do everything possible to maximize their profits, being for profit companies. What this means in general is that people pay more into insurance than they ever get out. If they didn’t the insurance companies wouldn’t make a profit. The money you pay isn’t going into some huge fund that supports everyone who pays for it. If it doesn’t go to paying out claims now it goes straight to the insurance executives, or investors, or to “lobbying” politicians to keep the racket going. The day you stop paying out you get fucking nothing. All that money is just gone, for the pleasure of maybe having your claim paid out if your insurance company can’t weasel their way out of paying. Insurance is a scam, a bunch of penny pinching middlemen draining the world of human productivity and effort for their own benefit and nothing else. Any benefit a particular individual happens to get is a loss to be minimized to them.
Insurance is very much needed. If there weren’t that many reckless drivers then insurance would be cheaper.
I wish we had the same thing as in Singapore. Their cars literally cannot go over the speed limit.
But yes, when insurance is basically required to have, then it’s good to start having government participation in it. The government needs to be the majority stakeholder, as it also provides all of the customers.
being for profit companies
I think the approach in Australia is a bit better - bodily injury coverage is provided by the state and is part of the registration fee for the car.
It’s not perfect and only covers injuries to people, and does not cover repairing cars (you need to get separate insurance from an insurer for that) but it’s a good first step I guess. It means that as long as your car is registered, medical costs for both you and anyone you hit are covered.
In France, most insurance companies are mutual and not for profit. (Basically a communist hellhole!)
I’m also Australian and what this person is saying is true
I beleive its called “CTP” or “compulsory third party insurance” if I recall correctly
You can get additional optional car insurance in Australia as well
Yeah, CTP. I never drove or owned a car in Australia so I’m glad I got it right haha. I lived in Melbourne and used public transport all my life. I didn’t learn to drive until I moved to the USA.
I mean, I would hope insurance doesn’t need to pay me. That imply I’ve involved in an accident or had my stuff stolen. Even a not for profit insurance company would operate like that. I can afford $100/mo but I cannot afford to replace not only my car but the car or property of whatever I may be found at fault for hitting(and if I get hit, can that person afford to pay me?). If I got into an accident, especially if I were younger, how would I replace my $5,000 car and the $70k BMW I just hit? What if my kid set my house on fire or what if fire leapt from my neighbour’s house to mine?
That said, it’s absolutely true that system is bloated to an absolutely disgusting level and its shocking lack of regulation for, as you say, being legally required is pitiful. It deplorable that people need to fight to get payouts sometimes and how the US uses it for healthcare is just hellish. It’s also true that the capitalist/libertarian ideal of insurance only really works if people are paid adequately but both those systems do fuck all, on purpose, to keep people’s financial security safe.
In Québec, liability is paid for by the province so our car insurance is a lot cheaper and regular insurance only needs to cover the physical property, so that’s nice. It’s still got it’s problems I’m sure, but it’s a step in the right direction.
It would be a scam if you couldn’t choose the company. However, you have plenty of options. Insurance also encourages better driving since things like tickets can cause price increases. There are some privacy concerns with insurance but that is a separate issue.
Oh and the whole concept of an excess. So I have to pay to have my car insured but if the damage to my car is less than a certain amount I have to pay for it? What’s the point of the insurance then.
My car is probably worth less than the excess anyway so if it was a total write-off I’d get a maybe five hundred for it, and that’s it
What you are describing is not insurance, it’s capitalism in general.
I scares me the number of people willing to commit insurance fraud. I’ve had friends who would do things like park there car in a hail storm.
Insurance companies are never the only victim. They just pass the pain forward.
I mean, the environment is also a victim in that case
Committing insurance fraud is honestly pretty questionable from a ethics perspective. You are cheating the game at the cost of everyone else. Why are people ok with this now in 2025? In the last few decades it as become socially acceptable to cheat the system for your own gain.
I fully support the arrest and prosecution of those who commit insurance fraud. Same goes for companies who cheat there workers out of pay.
The “ethics” of following laws stem entirely from the social contract. Both sides agree to a set of rules because it’s fair or in their mutual interest to take part in society. But when one side violates that social contract (causes a constitutional crisis, ignores the rule of law, etc.) then all bets are off. If you blindly follow the rules while the other side is actively ripping them up, then you’re at best a sucker and at worst complicit.
Would you/do you support what happened during the Boston tea party? I think we all like law and order, but under the current regime, justices are being found dead from mysterious causes. It’s hard to say it’s the same system of law we’re used to.
I think we all like law and order
Have you never met any anarchists?
Recently, actually. They have no idealogical allies, no plan, no nothing. They’re not a voting block anyone cares about, nor do they have any actual positions to argue. I do not take their opinions seriously.
They definitely do have positions and beliefs. I am not sure how much you actually understand anarchism. Anarchist “nations” have even been established before, but they tend to get invaded sooner or later. While they do sometimes ally with Marxists you would be correct in thinking they have few permanent allies. Hence the getting invaded part I guess.
I’m willing to admit that I don’t know a lot about anarchism. I’ve tried to learn more when I have the opportunity to talk to someone about it, but I never get anything insightful.
I’d love to know more about how an anarchist society could work.
Honestly your asking the wrong person here. I would suggest maybe starting with Krapotkin or Bakunin who were some of the early anarchists. That or just looking up anarchist philosophy and history. Anarchists have a history fighting against both fascism and some marxist tendencies like the Bolsheviks.
You just know a dealership is going to get caught setting it’s own Teslas on fire. That is going to be the free space on many 2025 Bingo cards.
It’s actually just a convenient software update.
Download the update, start the engine, and run away
This is the only good use of a Tesla now, IMO. Get it fully insured, then go park it in a dark alley near a popular area. It’ll get torched before too long. No fraud involved with setting your own car on fire…
Then use the money to buy something that’s not made by a Nazi.
Forget to turn on sentry mode.
Straight outta the urban-cop playbook.
Nice idea, but Teslas are jampacked with cameras.
Teslas are jampacked with cameras.
Which will show a masked figure of weirdly indeterminate height (possible wearing hidden plateau shoes) setting fire to it in the middle of the night, how curious 🤔
(possible wearing hidden plateau shoes)
the cops will never single me out with my super discreet Tesla stompers
*evil villain laugh*
Or just do ot old school like they did in medieval Europe with flaming arrows while out of sight of the cameras
I wonder what fire does to the SD card on which the camera footage is stored?
(Its only uploaded to tesla servers when the car is connected to the internet)
Are you able to disconnect a Tesla from the Internet? You could forget your Wi-Fi network, but basically every car made after 2015 has an LTE modem
be a shame if it caught fire while you were camping in a remote location with no cell service
These gosh darn libs came out of the woods wearing masks and carrying molotovs and afterwards they gave me lentil beans and rice and a rainbow flag it was miserable
Signal jammers?
National parks have squat for cell coverage.
Chainlink blanet’ll do it
My parents have brought a new car and the internet connection thing is super unreliable. It’ll say it’s in a dead zone when it’s just parked in the driveway and I have full signal bars on my phone.
Sometimes claims not to have a signal when it’s in the local supermarket car park and the supermarket car park literally has a cell tower in it.
They’re always connected via cell service, though.
That said, I’m pretty sure the antenna is stored in the right-side mirror, so if something were to happen, like that mirror becoming suddenly disconnected from the body of the car, it might disrupt that connection.
Let the battery die, then do the deed.
0% battery isn’t actually 0%. There’s still plenty of juice to run all the cameras, cell, etc.
Not even close to enough. Teslas turn all of that off at 20%. Running enough of the system to capture and process video takes about 500-1000w, so around 1% battery every hour or two.
Edit: derp, it’s 300-500w.
If that’s true, that is very horribly engineered. 500-1000 watts holy shit
I’d say it’s pretty reasonable. Six to seven cameras, the cellular modem, and the computer system running for processing the video for motion and tamper detection, alerting the owner, and being on standby for remote commands.
Edit: I was wrong, it’s about 300-500w.
So a full car battery goes to 20% in just 4 days??
I was wrong, it’s about 300-500w. I own a Tesla (yes, I know) and it goes down around 8-10% a day if it’s on “sentry mode” and not plugged in. That’s not typically an issue as there’s rarely a reason to have it in sentry mode long term somewhere that it doesn’t have power, usually just a few hours at most if we’re out, so it’ll lose 1-3%.
Man a shitty lining to this cloud is the kids that had to mine the lithium for the batteries into useless cars.
It’s a step in the right direction. It won’t stop the countries we exploit from being exploited. But if Tesla goes bankrupt it is one less large company exploiting the global south. And arguably the worst when it comes to Cobalt.
Buying a Hyundai of all choices after a tesla is doubling down on shitty car choices
The best car to get is one where the engineers actually thought of maintaining the thing over looks
I retired during Covid, but until then I drove mercedes. When I needed a new car, the new Merc dealer wouldn’t even let me onto the lot, telling me he couldn’t get a car for me for 12 months. Turned out, the only new car I could get immediately, was a Kia Sportage, and that was only because someone failed a finance application. That car was actually awesome, never a single problem, but I decided I didn’t like all the screens because always fingerprints, so I sold that and bought a Hyundai because I had already gone through the tech learning curve (Kia and Hyundai are the same). That too, has been trouble free all the time I’ve had it, and I’m about to trade to another Hyundai. Converesely, here in Australia, I hear about Honda’s being crap. I think Korean cars, actually made in Korea, are actually great cars. You Americans mostly get models made locally, which to me sounds like the problem. What you are saying, is American made is shitty.
To be fair, we’ve been very happy with our Kona EV. No problems after 25k miles.
Portuguese love a good kona
What about before 25k miles?
My hyundai isn’t electric but I’ve been very happy with it
They aren’t terrible cars. I had a Hyundai and it ran well. Just didn’t throw an oil light for me. Engine seized. My own fault really, but lasted like 180k
If they rely on insurance to not fuck them over, I wish them good luck. Because boy, do insurances have the capacity and willingness to fuck people over
But they are also competing with each other. Insurers who have less Teslas will win (and offer lower premiums).
But they are also competing with each other. Insurers who have less Teslas will win (and offer lower premiums).
Probably not the place, but Hyundai and Kia are both making some sharp looking cars right now.
Yeah the ioniq looks really nice, probs what I’d get if I was looking for something around the 60k range or whatever
Hyundai makes awful products. Look at the major lawsuits they had due to engine manufacturing defects that caused oil deprivation and rod knock(when the crank case/ engine block is too low on oil the bearing sleeves in between the crank shaft and connecting rods that attach to the pistons end up wearing excessively from running dry making the connection loose so the engine will make a loud knocking noise that means it is FUBAR and needs a new engine or a rebuild) across like a dozen different model / engine subvarients over a 12 year period. They are cheaply made. South Korea is a western proxy state their corporate culture is to maximize profits on the backs of consumers and cur costs wherever possible.
Buy a toyota or honda if you want a reliable quality vehicle. Maybe a volvo or a vw product but only if you know how to maintain cars yourself otherwise youll be paying a lot for maintenance on german cars, but toyotas are made to keep running even if you neglext maintenance and are super reliable if routine maintenance is kept up.
For recent Hyundai’s I’ve seen nothing but really positive reviews from mechanics. Same with Mazda and Kia’s. The only thing I’ve seen is there are a lot of GDI engines so the valves need to be cleaned. They also have the best engine warranty in the world.
I’m sure Toyota is more robust, but you’ll definitely be paying a fair bit more than a Hyundai.
Id rather have a 15-20 year old toyota with 100k miles on the odometer than a brand new Hyundai.
Is there anything specific in Hyundai’s manufacturing that isn’t so great? I wouldn’t know, I just hear from quite a few that they’ve became a lot more reliable.
Their power trains. Engines are very important and when you cut costs in manufacturing it lowers the quality and the standards of quality on crucial parts of the engine. Hyundai had a class action lawsuit that involved about a dozen different vehicle models over a 15 year period where due to a casting flaw in the engine block it was common for the engines to consume/burn oil even with exceptional maintenance and proper oil change intervals of 3000 miles and this resulted in the crank case being starved of oil and when the crankshaft doesnt have enough oil to build pressure and send it through the valleys built into the block and cylinder head and drip back down through the valves and adequately lubricate all those running parts then the rod bearings which are thin slivers of metal between the crank shaft and the connecting rods which connect to the piston they end up getting small pieces of metal between them which scratches these bearings and loosens them and creates a very loud knocking sound that will now be permanent even if you were to top new oil into the engine immediately once it starts knocking from the bottom end the engine is cooked. Go to any junk yard and you will find many hyundais that were effected by this issue (that hyundai literally attempted to sweep under the rug hoping it would go away without doing anything to resolve the issue because it would have been to expensive to redesign these engines techs were being instructed by hyundai to tell owners of their vehicles that burning 2 or 3 quarts of oil every 1000 miles was “within specifications” it was pretty damn absurd) in greater numbers than any other engine subvarients of other manufacturers. It gave hyundai/kia/genesis a really bad name in the automotive industry for years and that mistrust and dislike of Hyundai as a brand still persists today.
Granted electric cars are an entirely different animal i would still much rather spend my money on a brand that has shown a commitment to producing a quality product that lasts. One thing toyota does right is they assume people will neglect to maintain their vehicles so they over engineer their vehicles so that they will last longer under extreme operating conditions than they should. This is why it is so common to see toyotas from the 90’s and early 00’s still on the road today. Even if a toyota has some oil consumption issues As long as you keep toping the oil off it won’t be an issue. And when i say oil consumption issues i mean on a 30+ year old engine with 200-300 or more miles on it maybe burning one quart every 2000/3000 miles but no more than one quart per 1000 miles. Anything beyond 1 quart per 1000 miles is ridiculous and usually a symptom of a bad oil leak or sludged piston rings and means you need an engine rebuild or you can try an engine flush. (bG fluids engine restorstion flush kit is $350 for the kit but it works and is quite amazing from what i have seem) there are cheaper enfine flush products. One thing you can do is just mix 20% marvel mystery oil into each oil change untill you notice a reduction in oil consumption but with tbe hyundai thing this wouldn’t fix the underlying issue which was caused by a poorly manufactured engine block.Thanks for the informative and long post!
I’m a Toyota person. I had a civic before and just wasn’t impressed with it. I don’t think they are what they once were.
They are still leaps and bounds better than other manufacturers. 3 of the 4 major Japanese manufacturers put out quality. Nissan used to a while back but really lost their way. Despite the implied monopolization aspects I was excited when i heard honda was going to acquire nissan but then disappointed to hear that merger fell through.
“Sir/madam, (sadam) your conviction slowly steeling and your hands steadying themselves before you finally threw the bottle was heartening, but why did you come directly out of your own house to do it? Claim rejected.”
Eventually one of you’s is gonna try it, but forget a detail or two.
I’ve heard insurance companies in the Un-united Dystopia of america have stopped insuring them
Good. That means the burn a Tesla campaign is working. The goal is no one buying any new ones.
Do NOT set your own car on fire. They will notice every marker pointing at you! Instead, incompetently park in a visible area that is poorly lit at night, perhaps a Trump sticker. Maybe an anti-trans or pro racism sticker! Really REALLY scummy stuff. Get a custom plate that says ‘‘YBMC’’ or something else horrid. Really egg them on. What you really want is a total stranger you have never interacted with. Police fail to identify 90% of crimes that don’t have a personal motivation to known victim and perpitraitor.
I have owned only three brands of cars with a total of four different engines. And next to my Toyotas, my one Hyundai was incredibly reliable. Made it to 300k before I gave it away to my cousin. And the only time it ever left my in a jam was a Walmart parking lot when the starter burnt out. I walked across the street, bought a new one, and with the help of a YouTube video & $10 worth of tools from that very Walmart, shit was done. I highly recommend an old sonata to any one hard up, and in need for something reliable. Mine actually had heated seats! Easily the best $700 I’ve ever spent! I could rant about that car for ever.
Don’t put Hyundai on a pedestal.
https://foundation.mozilla.org/en/privacynotincluded/categories/cars/
Sure, but that’s kind of every car manufacturer right now. If you let that limit your choice, you won’t be buying anything. Depending on where you live, maybe that’s better.
Then don’t buy anything.
If you want to stop shit behaviour you need to provide consequences.
Buy a used car instead, there’s plenty of them.
When the new car market falls apart these manufacturers will change their ways.
But because people are unwilling to part with even the tiniest bit of convenience, prestige, whatever the fuck it is, I wish I knew, then the bad behaviour is encouraged and then you’re left in a situation where the market sees there’s no consequences for adding this shit to their products and they all do it.
Then everybody suffers.
So, I’m supposed to drive an older, less safe car without the features I want? I’m supposed to keep using an ICE? No thanks.
I will be the first one to tell you that the infotainment system in my Subaru makes the car LESS safe to drive.
I can believe that. My job has me travel, so I’ve rented a lot of different vehicles. Some are definitely more intuitive than others. I don’t think I’ve had a Subaru though.
Less safe? What features do you need that, say, a 2015 model can’t have?
An ICE that is still on the go is more environmentally friendly than manufacturing an EV from new… A new EV versus a new ICE, yeah fair enough. But replacing a perfectly functional ICE vehicle with a new EV for environmental reasons is just marketing, consumerism, and trend following.
To stop bullshit spying of every part of a vehicle, to stop bullshit waste of perfectly functional vehicles, buy used.
Obviously, fuck cars, use public transport if you can, but that’s unfeasible for most, so buy used!
Especially if you can get your hands on something like a 1.0l with a giant turbo strapped to the side. They’re pretty common in Europe, I don’t know about America.
What features do you need that, say, a 2015 model can’t have?
assist, and adaptive cruise control come to mind.
A new EV versus a new ICE, yeah fair enough
Well, buying a new car is what I’m interested in. I want something reliable, not something with 10 years of wear and tear on it. Hell, a big draw of EVs is their dramatically simpler maintenance plan. If I’m in the market for an EV, a 10 year old ICE just isn’t a good alternative.
Especially if you can get your hands on something like a 1.0l with a giant turbo strapped to the side. They’re pretty common in Europe, I don’t know about America.
I really wish… I got back into motorcycles this year, so I have a 250cc engine to move me around now.
You can get adaptive cruise control as far back as the 1998 Mercedes S-class. Though that model has a lot of issues. Get 2005+ for nightvision and other cool toys plus better reliability.
A 2025 Hyundai is not going to offer you significantly better safety than that, if it’s truly safety you’re after. Definitely not some small CUV that fits entirely in the the front crumple zone of the S. You’re right about maintenance though. Just lease something new and let the second or third owner worry about the consequences of modern maintenance schedules. Or like you said, get an EV and sell it before the battery warranty is out. It’s not like you’re actually going to be able to affect an entire industry by holding out on buying new lol. Just don’t be left holding the bag on the repair costs of modern cars.
2025 Hyundai EV is going to require FAR less maintenance than an old Mercedes. I’ve owned a fairly young VW and immediately dumped it when the manufacturer recertified warranty ran out. Every little repair on those German cars are ridiculously expensive.
Or like you said, get an EV and sell it before the battery warranty is out. It’s not like you’re actually going to be able to affect an entire industry by holding out on buying new lol
Yeah, that’s kind of my point. Historically, boycotts just don’t work unless the overall sentiment was already shifting. Like Tesla right now. They were already losing sales because of their tired designs and were already offering deep incentives. Elon just accelerated the downfall by going full Nazi.
As a Hyundai-owner…you should buy a Honda.
I don’t know. My runner up was an Ioniq 5. A shame it was 10k more expensive
As an owner of both, my 2020 Ioniq BEV easily feels better than my previous civic, and my Subaru (though I’d want the suby for anything challenging terrain-related). Best car I’ve owned.
So here’s my issue with Hyundai. I LOVED them, bought 2 Tucsons so far and love so much about them. HOWEVER, there was some oil-related recall that, long-story short, killed my engine while I was driving on a highway. My car was at 99,000 miles at the time this happened, and it was before they actually issued the recall. I had to spend about $8k replacing the engine and paying for a rental. A few months later they issues the recall and I submitted all of my paperwork. They ignored me. I submitted again, they ignored me again. I called a few times, and tried submitting again, and somehow their website broke and stopped letting me submit my paperwork, and they refused to let me send it in any other way.
It was under warranty. I almost died. And it cost me a lot of money. But they fucked around playing games to avoid paying me.
So fuck Hyundai. I’ll never buy another. When this one finally dies, I’ll probably go with a Honda CR-V, or a Nissan Murano.
