teal really proved living well is the best revenge.
Neither one is someone I want to talk to but grey really should’ve just put the phone down and focused on that promising opportunity
I don’t think grey actually has another “opportunity”. This feels like a negging tactic to me.
Remind me what negging is again
If I understand it correctly, it’s the use of negative framing of another person’s physical attributes or demeanor, constructed in the hope the receiver of the “negging” has low enough self-esteem to agree with the assessment and will assume the asshole is a person of higher intrinsic worth.
There might be more to it, but I usually just think of it as a form of reverse psychology + emotional abuse.
That’s right, thanks. I haven’t heard it in awhile
I think demeaning or belittling are the old timey terms for the same behavior. Negging is just the term when it’s used as a strategy by incel/pickup culture assholes.
Gotcha. That makes sense
Green has a decent counter play against being snubbed first, but it surely is a dick move versus just saying “okay, cheers”.
However, we humans do crave drama, and I’ve been entertained, so I think in the grand scheme of things, as a miniature Shakespearean tragic comedy, I will allow for it to be cosmically more good than bad. Perhaps they both learned something. Or it’s all fake ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Having someone show their red flag this early warrants a “thank god” methinks. Also, “thank the flying spaghetti monster” is more like it.
Also, “thank the flying spaghetti monster” is more like it.
Christ alive, y’all are some enlightened individuals. *tips fedora*
Christ alive
Spelled Chris wrong, buddy.
I’d throw in a Hail Satan for good measure tbh
Red flag? “This is going to sound bad but I need to cancel, sorry” is way more than you’ll get dating, 90% of the time. IG they could’ve told them sooner, but I also don’t know how serious things are. It looks like a perfectly adult response.
Regardless, saying “Thank God” when you were just confirming a date with someone feels like a knee-jerk reaction to save face and insult the person you feel ditched you.
The proper and respectful way to cancel a date would be to say - for example - “look, I’ve thought this through and I am not feeling it, I changed my mind about further dates, I appreciate the time you spent with me & I wish you all the best!”
The red flag here is mentioning someone “promising” and not wanting to miss the opportunity. It says in the same words “you are not a promising character”. The comparison is the hurtful thing you don’t say out loud if you want to be respectful of someone’s feelings.
And the proper respectful thing would be to give the person you’re cancelling with more notice than an hour before hand, and only after they contacted you to confirm.
Not sure if I’d count what Green did as bad, in any way.
Petty, maybe, but justice demanded grey have some social consequences for their behaviour, and green most certainly delivered.
I hope they got in such a tizzy over this that it ruined their “plans with someone else” cause they showed up all sour.
Dating culture is so toxic, I’m glad it’s just me and my cat these days…
Grey is definitely in the wrong, that’s exactly when you should have used a white lie but they were being a huge dick.
Being dishonest about it would have been way worse.
But grey’s reaction after that is ridiculous.
Obviously you shouldn’t cancel on someone because something more interesting came along. But I would say telling them that’s the reason is worse than just not giving one or making up something.
Yea I’m going to clarify my comment: of course, cancelling for this reason is a dick move.
But I stand by that: being honest about being a dick is better than making up excuses.
Greens response could’ve meant (s)he had a busy day at work and was glad to put their feet up. The bluntness met have been unintended.
Grey then exploded and made it a problem, showing that green actually dodged a bullet.
(s)he
✨they✨
(t)hey
(t)heyyy
(w)hat’s the name of that doc?
he … OR SHE
(s(t))he(y)
That doesn’t make a lot of sense. The T could only be there when the S is also there. I think what you’re going for would look more like
(s/t)he(y)
Or maybe
(s)(t)he(y)
I mean it was a joke but yeah (s/t)he(y) works better
I know it was a joke, I wouldn’t have suggested better alternatives otherwise haha
Counterpoint: Grey’s responses take a solid 30 mins. Green does not bother to clarify what they meant that entire time.
Did green go overboard? Yes. Could grey have communicated at all? Also Yes.
Maybe they died?
Of cringe, checks out
or were commuting home, having texted as soon as they got off work
I can’t find it, but there’s a webcomic where stick figure guy sends a text, and then immediately throws his phone off a cliff.
Youre blaming them for not responding for 30min? Im happy when people reply the same day, same goes for me. And Im glad people arent so obsessed with their phones that theyre constantly available.
My mom once blew up at me because I didn’t respond to her text for 23.5 hours.
“Sorry to bother you. I thought you might give a fuck but I see I was mistaken. I won’t bother you again.”
She didn’t call, she didn’t email, she just sent a text and then exploded when I didn’t respond (because I didn’t see it). Anyways, she’s blocked now–I don’t want to make a liar out of my mother, so I won’t let her bother me.
Who’s in the wrong here?
Everyone in this thread who is too stupid to realize this is fake rage bait.
As is your comment. Rage bait within rage bait. Meta rage bait. Ragebaitception. Ragebaiturducken. I see you.
Have you ever considered that other people are smart enough to realize it’s probably a hypothetical scenario?
The important thing is that you found a way to appear superior to everyone.
The one who flaked, and then said that there were better options. I’d respond just like the one who luckily got away.
“Hey, I’m so sorry to do this, but, something came up”.
“Excuse me?!? You’re supposed to be absolutely crushed by me blowing you off! I’m clearly in the right and you should be upset about it.”
Green dodged a bullet.
If grey’s other opportunity didn’t work out, they probably would have unashamedly reached out to green again for a new date, if that exchange hadn’t happened.
Non-zero chance they will anyways, especially if grey is a guy.
Though I had a woman get surprised and upset when I declined a 3rd reschedule after she went uncommunicative twice when I asked the “we still on today?”. Apparently she didn’t have a mobile plan or internet at home and had to go to some public WiFi to communicate and both times had shit come up with her kids, though the second time was her son’s birthday party, which isn’t something that generally just pops up on you by surprise. It’s not even punishment, just the emotional rollercoaster before we even had a first date killed any interest in having a good relationship with her, just like that cancelation message in the OP would have.
oof, that sucks.
Vaguely related story: Back in the Olden Times before ubiquitous wifi and data plans, I had a friend cancel on me after I’d already gotten in the light rail to meet him an hour away. He didn’t call or text, just emailed, so I looked for him for almost an hour before giving up.
Turns out he’d emailed me then was at the hospital with a friend who’d gone into labor, and didn’t have his phone with him (so didn’t get my calls or texts).
My partner (who’d come with to meet my high school friend) and I had a good time in DC anyway. We went to a geeky bookstore and a nice cafe.
I hate people now. Nobody wants to keep their commitments. You can invite people to an event and they will all say yes, until a more enticing thing comes along and the flake on you last minute. If you say yes, be there, tell the other person “sorry I already made plans that day” like an adult
For me the issue is that everyone is always busy.
Me: hey, how about we meet next Friday
Person1: I can only do Sunday from 17 to 19
Person2: I can only do Saturday
Person3: I can do Sunday but from 19 to 21
Person4: I can only do the Friday after that
Or even better, they take 5 days to reply and in the end say something came up.
But once I manage to find the one date that fits most people and plan something people do show up.
Yeah I mean that makes sense, your friends respect prior commitments.
Most of the time it’s not like they are meeting other people. The commitments are like family visits every other week, traveling, studying, fixing something at home and so on. Occasionally it’s some birthday party or something. It’s mostly that everyone is busy all the time. Which I do understand but it takes a lot of of effort to organize something.
Studying and fixing something at home I can see, those you typically move around as needed. The other are prior commitments that you don’t.
Edit: right, Doodle
And wouldn’t this also work as a local-wifi-only mobile app?
You mean doodle? It still exists but since polls are literally built into every messaging app now, its obsolete. It could be relevant if you have a one-time meeting with people who dont know each other and dont have a common messaging app.
but since polls are literally built into every messaging app now
Matrix too? But yes, that one.
If you’re German (or not), use https://nuudel.digitalcourage.de/ instead.
Don’t remember the name but I used it couple of times in corpo settings. I think it weird that we have to organize meetings with couple of friends the same way we organized team buildings. I mean, weekends are for resting. Why everyone has everything booked months in advance? I spend every weekend actively but I don’t have a lot of plans that I can’t drop to meet someone.
The secret of keeping self-organization flexible. Most people are less sensible to stress than us.
I for one will not invite you for anything if I don’t want to do it with you. I also will not accept an invitation to do anything that I don’t want to do with you. I greatly enjoy my own company and have a lot of things I love to do by myself. More people would be happier if they would learn to like themselves and found some hobbies.
I am for having read this. Doubly for commenting,
Hahaha, sucker!
…
wait, shit
Although rude, I appreciate when people tell me outright I’m not a priority for them. So I can adjust my own.
Mmm the ragebait tastes so good though I feel righteous and angered
I don’t get why people are confused about this.
Grey was horrible human being first. Green’s reply was a response that horribleness. It’s not like green was genuinely waiting to spring that.
…probably.
The only reason grey is in the won’t is for not giving more notice. Like either cancel earlier or plan your other date on another night in the first place. Calling that “horrible” is a but strong IMO. Definitely rude and inconsiderate but dating is completely unpredictable these days.
You deserve this
Damn right they deserve to be free from that kind of personality
I must be weird, or maybe it’s because I used to date someone like Grey, but the impression I got about green is not that they said that because they didn’t want to go out anyway, it was that they were glad grey revealed themselves to be uninterested in them even if it was kind of in a sleazeball way, acting like it was just fine to cancel last minute to go be with someone else.
More like green was happy grey pretty much just sent up a red flag and confirmed that they dodged a bullet.
Was that not the point we were supposed to take away from this?!
Love your chicken, by the way.
Gray does not understand the relief of cancelled plans.
“Cancelling plans is like heroin.” -John Mulaney
It is literally like being told you can leave work early and still get paid.
Grey didn’t value Green’s time, even stated someone better came along. Green responded with shade in response for this lack of respect, Grey had a crash out because her lesser choice had teeth.
Interesting you feel that was the her. There at no genders stated.
This is an /r/SipsTea male rage bait post, of course the chuds think it’s about them.
I mean, for most of the post they tried not to and a single “her” fell out. Something to consider.
I feel it is an interesting question though. I too assigned genders while reading this the first time so is it naturally ingrained in me? Or is it because of the first person POV of text message exchanges like this?
Are women reading this and assuming the other way around? Would a different format (eg changing the bubbles to other side, or paragraph format like in a novel) change who we think is which gender?
I try to be impartial, but each misstep online gets hammered on hard because apparently you need to be perfect for the imperfect themselves. Changing now would just be admitting to something i"m not so you cannot win. Shrugs I do my best and try to not let small mistakes turn into mountains.
As well I see other people posting the grey is female initially so that might have influenced me and I didn’t see anyone else calling them out.
