When I first met some poly people at university, it blew my mind. At first, I couldn’t imagine myself in that kind of relationship, because I struggle with insecurity and expected that I would find that worsened by being polyamorous.
I came to realise that because polyamorous relationships tend to require a greater level of communication and emotional intelligence, that this was actually probably an easier dynamic for someone like me. Key to this was the understanding that if I’m feeling emotionally neglected by a partner, then that’s between them and me, and doesn’t need to involve comparisons to my partner’s other partner(s).
I ended up identifying as a relationship anarchist in the end. It feels more comfortable than either monogamy or straightforward polyamory. In practice, the only difference it makes is in how I think about myself, but that matters to me
I’m pretty similar to this. And I also didn’t expect to follow relationship anarchy
In the end, I was just following along towards the logical conclusion of what I thought of relationships, and what felt right to me. And maybe it’s because I already look at the world from an anarchist lens, but as you said, if there’s any issue with a partner, then that is between them and me, and I don’t feel like it’s necessarily relevant for me what is happening between them and someone else (so long as they’re like, decent enough people that I’m okay associating with)
Paradoxically, it makes me feel safer in a relationship. I know they’re not just with me out of a sense of obligation, but because they genuinely enjoy bring with me, same way a friend is. They’re not beholden to some social contract, and are perfectly free to pursue another connection in addition to ours if they feel it’s right. And same for me. It means that I don’t have to feel like I have to artificially stop myself if I meet someone I like. It’s liberating. It’s what I could describe as a feeling of freedom. But of course, freedom does not mean freedom from responsibilities. It doesn’t give you the right to neglect people
Then there’s things like, not having all your eggs in your basket, or having people who engage with different aspects of yourself, and so on. Though that’s less central
But of course, there’s practical limits. We don’t have infinite time or energy. Freedom only goes so far. But it’s important to me that I don’t feel restrained by social concepts of how a relationship should look like, but rather from simply what me and a partner would want in one. And freedom does have a price. It’s not freedom for everyone, and it is less stable. It’s just that for me it’s worth it, and feels quite right
When I first met some poly people at university, it blew my mind. At first, I couldn’t imagine myself in that kind of relationship, because I struggle with insecurity and expected that I would find that worsened by being polyamorous.
I came to realise that because polyamorous relationships tend to require a greater level of communication and emotional intelligence, that this was actually probably an easier dynamic for someone like me. Key to this was the understanding that if I’m feeling emotionally neglected by a partner, then that’s between them and me, and doesn’t need to involve comparisons to my partner’s other partner(s).
I ended up identifying as a relationship anarchist in the end. It feels more comfortable than either monogamy or straightforward polyamory. In practice, the only difference it makes is in how I think about myself, but that matters to me
I’m pretty similar to this. And I also didn’t expect to follow relationship anarchy
In the end, I was just following along towards the logical conclusion of what I thought of relationships, and what felt right to me. And maybe it’s because I already look at the world from an anarchist lens, but as you said, if there’s any issue with a partner, then that is between them and me, and I don’t feel like it’s necessarily relevant for me what is happening between them and someone else (so long as they’re like, decent enough people that I’m okay associating with)
Paradoxically, it makes me feel safer in a relationship. I know they’re not just with me out of a sense of obligation, but because they genuinely enjoy bring with me, same way a friend is. They’re not beholden to some social contract, and are perfectly free to pursue another connection in addition to ours if they feel it’s right. And same for me. It means that I don’t have to feel like I have to artificially stop myself if I meet someone I like. It’s liberating. It’s what I could describe as a feeling of freedom. But of course, freedom does not mean freedom from responsibilities. It doesn’t give you the right to neglect people
Then there’s things like, not having all your eggs in your basket, or having people who engage with different aspects of yourself, and so on. Though that’s less central
But of course, there’s practical limits. We don’t have infinite time or energy. Freedom only goes so far. But it’s important to me that I don’t feel restrained by social concepts of how a relationship should look like, but rather from simply what me and a partner would want in one. And freedom does have a price. It’s not freedom for everyone, and it is less stable. It’s just that for me it’s worth it, and feels quite right