Not that it matters now, but I’m curious. I don’t know if I was popular. I had a lot of friends in middle school and I would say I did in high school too, but a lot less people knew me as the middle school I went to was smaller.
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No, never was. I’m glad I’m not.
And to hit it home how unpopular I was, when I got my senior yearbook, I was in a particular section of the book where they seemingly put the undesired students in. Like, every senior got pages where they got nice pictures, they got a quote and some bio of them. Where I was at, there was none of that, just a couple pages of pictures of students they don’t care for, even though we all got the same piece of paper that asked us what we’d like to say. Didn’t matter.
Funny how none of the people who ran that yearbook staff, went on to do bigger and greater things. I haven’t heard of or read their names doing anything significant. Just goes to show people just have a lot of ego in schools.
Wouldn’t say so, wasn’t bullied or anything but I was someone who was always around people but like on the side occasionally saying some morbid shit
I was popular in primary school. Then, in High School I hung out with friends who were into Dr Who and nerdy stuff, because I knew and liked them and could never play the social status game by just cutting them off to be cool.
Four years in, when i was about 15, one of the jocks decided that we were gay (which was social death in the early 90s in rural Scotland), so my status plummeted even further.
That summer, at 16, I got drunk and had sex with a girl, which was something we both regretted. The rumour got out and that seemd to elevate me, socially. By this point me and my friends were big into Nirvana and had formed our own little clique of stoners so the jocks left us alone.
I look back on it all with some regret. I wish I’d been more confident. I would have liked to have been involved in team sports and activities that I was drawn to, but my friends derided.
My understanding is that these days kids are less socially segregated and you’ll find nerds doing physical stuff and jocks trying to be academic. Dunno if that’s true, but it sounds like progress.
It was really university that changed me. I left the small town and found people outside that tiny place to be friendlier, and I grew in confidence.
Looking back, I think the socially harder times in school made me who I am. I’m fairly resilient and find it easier than my colleagues to communicate with others and find common ground. It was a baptism of fire and I was miserable through my teens, but now life is pretty manageable.
It’s weird because at the time I remember feeling like a big loser and like I was really wasting my youth, but looking back yeah. I had a ton of friends, was often out doin drugs with my bros, lost my virginity to both sexes, had the lead role in our theater club, had a kickass job as a lifeguard… kinda the stereotypical “cool kid” high school life.
Kinda a damn shame looking back because I was so depressed and abused by my parents that I couldn’t enjoy it.
no, i was more of the silent dumb kid
I was liked amongst the nerds and band people. Outside of that nobody knew me. I’m fine with that.
When I first entered high school I wanted to be popular; I associated with all the “cool” kids and even started a half-fake relationship with one of the popular girls. For some reason, one day they all just turned on me and continued bullying me heavily throughout high school…
I’m actually glad it happened, though. All of those “cool” kids were, how do I put this… fucking morons. A bunch of them were literal drug dealers.
lolno. I was teased relentlessly. My parents did nothing to stop it either. They could have home schooled me or changed schools or whatever. But nope. Did nothing
Nope. I was the satellite friend. I orbit around other people’s friendships and made no effort to foster my own.
So popular I had to quit and go to work full time
I was liked by most of the students, but I wasn’t Miss popular. I basically stuck with my own friends group. My school was small, so it really didn’t matter.
I went to a private elementary school where I was pretty picked on. One of my parents grew up poor and was an immigrant, the other grew up poor and rural, so neither really understood why I had a hard time socially in a suburban private school with mostly wealthy kids.They didn’t know how to help.
I transferred to a public middle school where I was neither popular nor unpopular. My elementary years taught me to avoid relationships so I just tried to blend in and keep things very surface level with other kids. I had no close friends but I was not being picked on.
In high school I developed a couple of closer friendships, but I would not say that I ever completely let my guard down. Like middle school, I wasn’t really picked on but I was certainly not one of the popular kids. I did let myself join athletics so I developed more self confidence, but social relationships were still superficial.
I’m now in my 40s and have been confronting myself about the fact that other than my wife and kids, I’ve not let myself have too many close relationships. I know it was self protective, but it also kept me isolated. My wife cannot and should not be the one person who meets all my needs.
I’m putting myself out there a bit more but man is it hard to make new friends at this age. Better late than never I guess.
Seems a lot of us learned to avoid relationships. School isn’t really a good place for socialization
Exactly! You said it. Just because you stick a bunch of kids together for hours on end does not mean they will become friends. Some do but many of these relationships would not happen outside of a school setting, same as friends from work enviroments I guess. Some friendships can be formed IMO if the school/work setting bond can be translated/migrate to other settings. For example, I now have friends who started as clients of teachers or whatever and our relationship has many different layers and tendrils. I like that.
I have one friend with whom I just celebrated 25 years of friendship with and we have been through ot all: Family deaths, marriages, having kids, getting jobs, losing jobs, moving countries, etc. And we could not be more different from each other if we tried lol. What I am trying to say is that making friends is not for the weak and I applaud you for putting yourself out there as scary or stupid it can feel sometimes.
Schools also make a lot of structural decitions that make genuine socialization harder
Absolutely.
Bingo bango. I seethe inside when I hear people talking about forming friendships and smoothly sailing around in social situations, telling others to just be themselves and be happy. The majority of them could never even comprehend what true bullying is. That shit affects you for life, and you’d be lucky if you ever get someone close enough to be able to be open again.
The fact that schools are fertile ground for this type of abuse isn’t talked about enough. It’s only good because it’s the only option left where large numbers of kids gather in one place. If school sucks for you the internet is your only other option
Hey I applaud you for putting yourself out there!
I think the fact that you’ve managed to marry and have kids is fantastic. It’s a big social hurtle that a lot of hermits never end up making it with, so you should be very proud of yourself for being vulnerable with another human being like that.
Tbh, I think over time that it ends up quite normal for people as they age to really just have their spouse and kids as their main “friends” without many others externally. So I think you’re doing pretty good on the weirdness and socialization scales haha.
But yeah I totally get you wanting to allow your wife a breather and have some other buddies to share the “social burden” with (I don’t mean it negatively, just not sure how to phrase it).
Best of luck to you!
yea but not for being cool or having friends
I was lowest on the ladder
Now my most of my classmates are and I’m pretty much on top
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