You must log in or # to comment.
I’m not sure whether I want this to be read by GLADOS or Cave Johnson. Both would deliver the hell out of these lines.
It was Cave Johnson for me.
I just read it twice, with both, in my head.
Cave Johnson was funnier.
I read it as GLaDOS first and got a little smile, then went back and reread it as Cave Johnson and laughed.
For Cave, the signoff would be:
I’m Cave Johnson, don’t @ me.
Initially I thought Cave Johnson, but the enumeration in the first paragraph seems more of a GLaDOS thing. The rest could go either way. If on the other hand, the enumeration was phrased without “the following regions:”, it would be more Cave Johnson.
The enumerations would work if he’s reading it as a press release, probably uncomfortably, and with a few asides to an off-screen character about how he doesn’t like it
On second thought, could be 1980s Cave Johnson, when Aperture was seriously in decline.
With irritated paper-shuffling noises.
I prefer the robotic announcer with the fake uplifting, soulless tone.
I’m a little surprised nobody thinks of that
emergency testing initiative voice from the start of P2, just for the maximum level of unpersonness
I think specifically Portal 1 GLADOS.
JK Simmons would do this press release proud.
I think I’ve seen this with audio for both.
Most accurate depiction of corpo pride month attitude.
Can hear Cave Johnson saying that, it’s missing an off script line after “your favourite colour of gay”
Cave Johnson standing away from the mic: what do you mean the colour gay? Gays not a colour! It’s a rainbow, it’s all the colours! Who wrote this script? I want them fired, fire them now!
No one plays Portal here? No gamers?
I’m more of a Black Mesa guy.
Got it on sale!
Same
*parts of North America
“And then, there will be cake.”
There was cake, just not for you.
Lol, this dude didn’t find the cake, everyone point and laugh at them!
I prefer to habe cake outside an industrial crematorium
Your loss, it was a pretty damn good piece of cake.
Very moist!
Although not flaky
ich habe und du, bis sie unterschätzt werden
So “So that was a fucking lie” was a fucking lie
Some conservative is gonna see this and start a “Boycot Aperture Science” campaign.
We’ve both said a lot of things that you’re going to regret.
god I hope so, love seeing dummies putting their dumbness on public display.
Contempt for Dummies
Quick spread the word to them
I saw this or something similar a few years ago.
It’s outdated today. Aperture is a defense contractor that wouldn’t risk upsetting trump.
Ok but is that voice GLADOS or Cave Johnson?
in my head it was the other robotic voice. I think it was used in both portal 1 and 2
Definitely Cave Johnson. The tone is disregarding and corporate, GLaDOS would have been insulting and condescending.
In my head it was definitely Cave.
Yeah and now that certain companies run the risk of getting flattened into the ground by Trump, only those companies that actually gave a shit continue to support Pride.
only those companies that actually gave a shit continue to support Pride.
By which you mean only those companies that believe appearing to give a shit will be more profitable than sucking Trump’s dick continue to support Pride.
Isn’t that’s company in Portal (video game)?
Yes, a company that heavily satirizes American capitalism.
Yes.
Are you telling me that there are companies out there that actually care about the LGBT for real?
There are at least a few companies owned by people in that community.
Any of the multinational conglomerates, though? Not a chance.
Netflix don’t add subtitles just for deaf people.
If it makes them money, they care.
I’ll do my own pandering thank you. With a collection of clear virtue signals, a rigorous purity filter and a crew of fanatical moderators.
You never play Portal?
BASED as FUCK
Same thing happens at Christmas.
Much more pronounced too. It goes way beyond a few posters and flags. Xmas songs, trees,food etc. It’s on everything all over the place. Pride needs to really up its game to get up to Xmas level.
The Safeway here puts up Xmas decorations in September, so does math we’re going to have to start in February…
And keep it up till halfway the summer when you switch out for Halloween…
You might get accused of waging a war on Easter though. I suggest joining forces with the Easter Bunny, hares that lay eggs are queer as can be.
Is it just people having unrealistic expectations of what a corporation can do?
How can such an entity have empathy, its like expecting a computer algorithm to have empathy. Pure fewelishness.
I will be so happy for you guys once this gains widespread acceptance
He didn’t say “Chariots!”, so we know it was a Cave Johnson from an alternate universe.
