Humans are to animals what Jason Vorhees is to promiscuous teens.

Celebrate my sister’s birthday because I mixed up the month and day again. Supposed to be 11/9 but I keep thinking it’s 9/11.

When he’s barking at an empty corner of the room at 3AM, it’s creepy AF.

Those users must be Trump’s alts.

“At the end of the world it’s just gonna be Keith Richards and some cockroaches, and Keith would turn to one of the roaches and be like, ‘I once smoked yer uncle, ya know that? Fuckin’ crazy.'”

Instant coffee is the only kind that really works in a Keurig, which is all I have. You try and fill the refillable pod with regular ground coffee, you’ll just get water with the vague memory of coffee in it.

Nobody else inserted quarters into their computer whenever you died in Doom?

Long ketchup

I don’t need special undies to tell me I fart a lot.

“Come on down to Jorkin Depeanis’s used car and jet ski bonanza!”

What the fuck am I supposed to do the rest of my weekend?

How often/well they wipe after pooping.

If all of us do it they call it “looting.”

No, I have had tostadas. 😤

It’s only a tax if the government siezes it.

If you and I go do it, it’s called “theft.”

Flat?! That ain’t an enchillada. It’s a tostada or a quesadilla.

Also stilt striders, boats, and the teleporters at every Mage’s Guild. But I love Mark and Recall more. Newest game I’ve played that lets you set your own teleportation spots is Dragon’s Dogma 2, with the port crystals you can find and place wherever you want. I prefer that than static ones, honestly. And it’s cool that they are physically objects in the world you set down, but I’m also just fine with simple mark and recall through a menu as long as it lets me set my own point temporarily or permanently.

I didn’t realize Oblivion had a fast travel system until way later

So… You didn’t read your journal? The quest that sends you to Weynon Priory as you exit the tutorial literally tells you to open the map and click on the icon there to fast travel.

Call an ambulance for my man.

How did my dealer get my license?