I was thinking phrasing the question explicitly for nurses, doctors, emergency services and the like but anyone could offer solid advice.

I’ve realized I don’t know how to react if people start crying on me for something as innocuous as asking how they’re doing or how their operation went. Others are terrified of their operation and start shaking like a leaf.

The most I can offer are platitudes, a therapist, a priest, volunteers that come to talk to those who feel lonely, something to calm down if the anesthesiologist agrees and hold their hand but I simply don’t know what to tell them to calm them down.

How do you do it?

  • pmk@piefed.caEnglish
    4·
    15 hours ago

    I not an expert in this, but I work with patients who often need help calming down. In the beginning I tried to say a lot of things, offering a different perspective or trying to fix a problem. But now I just try to be there and listen. And not try to fill the silence. Sometimes a calming hand on the shoulder helps, sometimes not. Affirm the feeling and don’t argue facts. Last week a patient was upset because she was hallucinating an injured angry dog outside. Instead of telling her she’s wrong, I can only say that I myself cannot see a dog, but it sounds scary, and that she’s safe here. Another patient said she wanted to die. I think I just said “is that how you feel?” and so but the important part is to be there, just being, without rushing, letting someone feel seen and heard.

  • fizzle@quokk.auEnglish
    2·
    14 hours ago

    I don’t think there’s a single answer here.

    In most human interactions you start with really truly trying to listen and observe and understand.

    Often when someone is scared or grieving you don’t need to solve their problems or concerns, you just need to enable them to express their feelings. Likely everyone they’ve interacted with during their journey has been too busy or hasn’t cared enough to listen to them.

    When I’m absolutely miserable the simple act of crying is an emotional release and I invariably feel better after. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy suggests that it’s the resistance to emotions that causes us harm - if you’ve spent the last several weeks trying not to worry about an operation it creates enormous tension - sometimes just being able to tell someone what you’re worried about is a tremendous relief.

    If someone shares medical concerns like “what if x happens during the operation” I wouldn’t engage with that and simply say “that’s probably a good question for the surgeon when he visits, but I’m sure he has a plan to manage that risk”.

    I’d also suggest asking the doctor for something to help them relax.

  • postnataldrip@lemmy.world
    3·
    15 hours ago

    I’m not an expert but have worked in these kinds of environments on and off over the years.

    It’s hard to offer broad advice as every encounter is different. Your workplace might offer training though to give you some tools, which will likely also teach you the things not to say (eg promising a result, stoking the fire, preaching, etc).

    Calming someone down isn’t always the goal either, sometimes people just need to process difficult information or grieve for the loss of a loved one. All you can do in this situation is to offer a safe place to do that, and maybe a sympathetic ear if they need to talk, and perhaps to validate their feelings. Otherwise just being present is often enough, as is knowing when to give someone space.