• village604@adultswim.fan
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    1 day ago

    I think that most people dislike having someone point out how they’re really feeling. At least initially

    • Smoogs@lemmy.world
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      1 day ago

      https://www.counselinglibrary.org/images/PDF_Documents/CBT_Handouts/10_Forms_of_Twisted_Thinking.pdf

      Mind reading and prediction is often a sign of anxiety. It’s also listed as a way to violently communicate.

      It’s common pattern in people who have been raised in an abusive environment who have been expected to anticipate everything about an abusive loved one who doesnt communicate openly and with respect.

      As a result this can lead the person who is ‘mindreading’ (better description is anticipating) as removing agency around loved ones and it is a form of manipulation where discount a person from being able to give input.

      So if you’re finding a lot of people are disliking something you’re doing(you’ve now admitted this, good for you! First step is always admittance! It’s a big step!) They are unhappy with how you are treating them as it is unfair and is a form of emotional abuse.

      https://www.cnvc.org/

      Just some references here in case you want to make an actual change for the better around the people you love.

      • bastion@feddit.nl
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        16 hours ago

        Asserting that peoples behaviors are intrinsically violent can also be a violent means of communication. Not that are shouldn’t respond to problematic behaviors - and there are circumstances that are as you describe.

        No, you didn’t say it was always violent, but for a pattern of thinking and feeling that is so common, so useful, and so beneficial in so many ways, I don’t think there wholesale focus on how bad it is is warranted.

        Obviously, as with most mentalities, there are benefits and detriments to it. But there are a lot of people that perform model synchronization by verifying the predictive capacity of the model they hold (whether or not they think of that progress consciously). It’s a means of getting on the same page. Sometimes it’s lovey-dovey. Sometimes it’s practical. Sometimes it’s controlling and problematic. But, by no means is it always, or even generally, violent.

        • Smoogs@lemmy.world
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          38 minutes ago

          Projecting personal dialogue onto others doesn’t make you a messiah.

          If someone doesn’t like what you’re doing to them, and you know it’s making them uncomfortable and you even go as far as to tout it to shame them and give it an excuse “oh they don’t like having their thoughts said out loud”, you are doing what an abuser does. Minimize their victims. You don’t even allow them to defend themselves. This is abusive behaviour.

          Asserting that peoples behaviors are intrinsically violent can also be a violent means of communication

          Abusers also try to turn tables and call themselves a victim at the moment someone calls out their abusive behavior.