am i the only one who had pretty good parents?
Yeah they’re not perfect but like the biggest mistake they made was not getting me diagnosed for autism as a kid, and that’s not really something i blame them for since it’s really a societal problem and you can’t feasibly handle something you’ve heard about in passing twice in your entire life…
Like it’s not rocket science, treat your kids like actual human beings and you’re a good way toward being a good parent.
You’d be surprised how many parents struggle with even basic stuff like “don’t scream at your child all of the time”. It should be easy and common sense, and yet so many fail at this…
man i don’t even understand why they do that, it very obviously doesn’t work and means that when you actually need to shout at the child they’ll ignore it since you always shout at them
oftentimes it’s straight up more effective (though maybe not quite the correct option) to simply ignore them, which i would think is easier than screaming, but what do i know
I can stop this. I can just never have kids.
Yes, but that alone won’t heal someone’s trauma.
It will heal in death. Our deaths. And then no one will be traumatised ever again! Because no more humans exist! The system is perfect!
I’m not so sure about this. If you die and you leave debt, someone makes a loss. Now in the abstract case of monetary debt, that may not be a problem. But there is also an emotional debt. It is not healthy to carry that to one’s grave, I beliefe. Scars must be properly healed instead of ignored, ideally within one’s lifetime.
🤔🤔🤔 Debatable. And the fact that it is makes me sad, because I want to believe what you’re saying is true.
Death is inevitable. It has to happen at some point. Thus you should settle your affairs in due time. But that is up to you. And has little to do with my point does it?
Break the cycle,if you’d like to, and go /c/childfree @lemmy.world (community reoated links also at chiclddree.cc.).✨
My dad died recently.
He was definitely a flawed man, and there were tons of problems between the two of us over the years. But I also heard plenty of stories about how he grew up, and about his parents—both from my dad and from other family members. Without a doubt, he managed to be a better person than his parents, and a better parent to me than his parents were to him. They were straight-up cruel to him, whether physically or simply using him for the family’s gain.
That doesn’t absolve everything, and I’ve still got plenty of my own issues. But what I respect most of him, in hindsight, is that he played the hand he was dealt and managed to be a better man. Not perfect, but better. I want to do the same.
Sorry for being sappy, it’s only been a couple of weeks. I also know that this doesn’t apply to everyone, since some parents are indefensibly cruel and abusive. In general, though, I hope people can be easy on each other, easy on themselves, and stop letting “perfect” be the enemy of “good.”
This Be The Verse
BY PHILIP LARKIN
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.Well i do agree with this. The best way to win the game is by not playing at all.
Her: “So, hear me out: We’ll give them every one of our issues and then take away all of the safety nets we enjoyed.”
Him: “I’m so down. This is gonna be great!”
Society needs to change on a fundamental level. The school system is flawed. The government is flawed. Social expectations are flawed. The tech industry is rotten to the core. The environment is collapsing under the weight of random stuff humanity wants but doesn’t need or benefit from. Our generation needs to fix this and clean up after our ancestors.
People are flawed. Never gonna get a perfect system. Be happy with what you got
This is the kind of bullshit that leaves us living in filth
How do imperfect people make a perfect society.
Letting the perfect be the enemy of the good is not a suggestion about how to improve things.
Your vision of perfection isn’t necessarily my version of perfection. While you may think you’re improving something, it may be adversely affecting others. Life shouldn’t be perfect.
Thesis + Antithesis = Synthesis Why not have both. One can appreciate the good things while also improving on the bad parts. Nobody ever should expect any system to be perfect, but rather seek its steady and never-ending improvement.
“Are you traumatized in any way? No? Think again! Did I do anything traumatizing? Tell me, I’m willing to admit and learn from my mistakes. So tell me, what did I do that traumatized you and don’t look at me like that! I’m really trying to help you!”
Meanwhile my parents don’t remember any of their abuse and say I’m imagining stuff.
In my country, there’s a saying, “The one who hurts forgets, the one hurt remember.”
The axe forgets, the tree remembers.
Oh, hey me!
Don’t you find it easy to blame how fucked up you are on your parents? Coz, me too and guess my child is gonna do the same in turn.
Yes when someone has trauma that impacts them from their parenting, it’s reasonable to do so. Sorry that’s news to you, welcome to 20th century psychology.
Can’t make the same mistakes if I can’t talk to women.
I would argue that we still see some slight improvements and progress over the generations. Of course the difference could be much bigger but every time I bring up that we should implement tests and a license to have kids I’m call a crazy person…
Pre-test and license makes sense but would turn out of awful, because the biggest shitheads out there would just co-opt the process. Unfortunately, the best option is just not perpetuating the species on an individual level.
I’ve also had the thought that you should have a test to have a kid. So you’re not crazy! Maybe I am though… 🤔
