Anyone Else? Can’t just me me, right?
It was my father, but it’s the same story. He never understood why i never wanted to see him after my parents divorced, and i did not come to his funeral. He was much nicer to my little sister tho, she did not see what me and my brother had to endure years before, and so she is still angry years later that i skipped the funeral.
Ah, the constant, unpredictable flipping between affection and cruelty. Sure made for a lovely childhood! Definitely didn’t contribute to a lifelong fear of social interaction, and the resulting isolation.
You’re not alone.
“I did my best”
You even TRIED taking responsibility for anything, maybe divert some of that effort there instead.
Meh, I’m deleting this because I wrote something much longer, and then I posted such a short version that it almost sounded completely off-topic. Sorry.
I’m too tired today. But long story short: You’re not the only one.
Hey, as long as writing that comment helped you vent then it wasn’t time wasted
Probably the first time I have seen someone else start a conversation about it, instead of me doing and people feeling comfortable enough to join in with their two cents.
Abusive parents the second you defend yourself effectively: “I didn’t know you had teeth, sorry for biting you.”
“Stop that, you could get hurt!”
“Ugh, just be on my side for once!”
Who’s got a good story?
I’ve told this story before, but basically, I was like… idk 10 maybe, and I was in NYC, waiting for the subway with my mom, then this mini-earthquake happens (like very very minor), we didn’t notice because the subway masked the shaking, so my mother coincidentally tried to make a phone call, call failed, IMMEDIATELY SCOLDS ME AND BLAMES ME FOR “BREAKING” THE PHONE. What actually happened was people were all trying to call because of the shaking so phonelines got clogged 😭 (this was before 5G, so congestion was a huge issue in big city). Like bruuhhh, literally got blamed for something a (mini) earthquake caused, so at the time I was thinking like: why is the ‘god of the earth/ground’ messing with me?
That’s harsh, sorry to hear…
Ooof. That’s rough. How’s your relationship with her now?
More context needed. Sometimes my kids are savages, so yelling does occur on occasion. They’re usually pretty great, though.
Honestly, I feel like I have repressed memories, I mean, the fear of the voice of yelling overshadowed whatever I supposedly “did wrong” and I never really encoded those into memory, since the fear was so overwhelming.
I mean, one of the things I do remember is she always ask me to help her with something, usually like translating letters, or help fill out forms in English, and since I learned English at school, she just forces me to translate stuff, and I kinda got tired of it sometimes, try to not do it or be like “later” then she gets mad.
Hmmm… ugh I can’t remember, must’ve been just too repetative my brsin refused to encode it.
I remember my older brother fight with me all the time, so we both get yelled at. Like we’d fight over who gets more food or something, or something about fairness. (poverty problems lol)
Or perhaps there is some school-related problem and my mother would argue with teachers, then use insults against me.
They (especially my mother) say stuff like “細路仔要乖乖聽話” (“Kids like you need to be more obedient”?) or “點解你死都唔聽我哋教你阿？我哋喺為你好，隔離屋會唔會理你阿？” (“Why would you rather die and not even listen to what I have to teach you? I am looking out for your interest! A neighbor wouldn’t even care about you!” (because she is my biological parents and the “the only person in the world that cares about me”))
Also, she tells me: 世上只有妈妈好，没妈的孩子像根草。(Only mom is the best in the whole world, a child with no mother is like a blade of grass.) Basically it’s sort of like: Your wellness depends on me, if I die, your life will be miserable, you should thank me.
@[email protected] sorry to tag you, but you speak Cantonese so: have your parents ever said stuff like this? Standard Cantonese family bullshit right? Tell me this isn’t just me?
It depends on how and if your repair the damage you cause by yelling. Kids aren’t savages; they’re kids.
2¢ from a former school bus driver: they’re fucking savages.
Yelling is never okay unless there’s imminent danger and yelling is needed to prevent it.
Never ok? Bullshit. Verbal abuse exists and it beyond not ok, but there is a huge fucking gap between never ok and verbal abuse.
Nope. Yelling isn’t okay. Parents are human and may do it anyway, but it’s always a mistake and should be treated as such (except in the case of danger as mentioned above). It absolutely should be avoided as much as possible. It’s an incredibly harmful thing to do (for any relationship, actually).
I agree. I yell on my children on occasion, but it’s a thing I regret every time, yelling is not okay.
