I love to make a positive impression on the world. I love to empower children, give comfort to those around me, to volunteer my energy and talents for a greater good.
But in the back of my mind, sometimes there’s a little voice that reminds me, “Whatever good you put into the world, your mom can vicariously claim to have created. This will never not be true, because she is responsible for your existence.”
And I hate it. I learned what not to be by observing her. I learned how hypocrites are able to function, how some people are able to override reality with their “feelings,” and how manipulators manage to get their way. Credit goes where it’s due, for sure, but she really shouldn’t be proud of the things she taught me. I became who I am in spite of her, not because of her.
I fully understand and empathize this. No matter what I do, it’s thanks to her in her eyes. My faults and failings are of course not hers, but all of the wins and accomplishments are.
“I did my best”
You never even TRIED taking responsibility for anything, maybe divert some of that effort there instead.
Oh god that hit me hard. My mother’s is “but I raised good children” i.e. the ends justified the means.
Yeah but you could have done it differently too! It’s not mutually exclusive!
I love to make a positive impression on the world. I love to empower children, give comfort to those around me, to volunteer my energy and talents for a greater good.
But in the back of my mind, sometimes there’s a little voice that reminds me, “Whatever good you put into the world, your mom can vicariously claim to have created. This will never not be true, because she is responsible for your existence.”
And I hate it. I learned what not to be by observing her. I learned how hypocrites are able to function, how some people are able to override reality with their “feelings,” and how manipulators manage to get their way. Credit goes where it’s due, for sure, but she really shouldn’t be proud of the things she taught me. I became who I am in spite of her, not because of her.
I fully understand and empathize this. No matter what I do, it’s thanks to her in her eyes. My faults and failings are of course not hers, but all of the wins and accomplishments are.