Women who fall into this category aren’t even in the dating pool.
He goes off and gets laid. She stays at home. Looks like everything works out. What’s everyone arguing about? Both characters get exactly what they’re signing up for, unless we have some users on Lemmy who really need to touch grass and realize that not every chick is locking their door lmao.
I was lucky enough to meet my SO before online dating became the norm.
I’m just not equipped to navigate something like that.
I feel like being eternally single and lonely would be easier than having to encounter the constant rejection.
I feel like being eternally single and lonely would be easier than having to encounter the constant rejection.
Sadly, I think a lot of people are going down this route.
It’s only going to get amplified as people lose more I fear
Sweet! More gamers!
Wow, this comment section is a nightmare
I wholeheartedly refute the assertion this comic makes that the word ‘lock’ is onomatopoeic.
i think lock is an onomatopoeia and I vote
Reminds me of a story. Four scientists, all male, on an expedition in Antarctica, far from any other human being. They set up camp, establish the data link to sync their email, and one of them gets an email spam of the sort “hot women in your area”. The next human female was several hundred kilometers away…
Honestly so happy I’m married, I’m sorry for all of y’all. Dystopian times.
But hey to add my two cents: I think that fear is marketable, so women are over fed on paranoia.
At the same time, porn and propaganda have put bad expectations in some percentile of dumb men.
Both sexes are generally out of social practice, and societal trust is at an all time low. Most people are nice, but most people are also awkward.
So get out there and meet some people, don’t even do so romantically, just go learn how to interact with people, form some friendships.
Hobby clubs are great for meeting new people, just don’t join them for the explicit purpose of meeting potential partners.
came back to this thread to find discourse that ISN’T cancer. thank you for your sane and gentle response. if more people had your empathy, less of them would be single and hurting.
But hey to add my two cents: I think that fear is marketable, so women are over fed on paranoia.
This is the case with literally everything.
Used to hear about “no-go zones” in Stockholm in my local news a lot, areas where even the Swedish police were afraid to go in to. Then a friend of mine moved to Stockholm and started going to “the worst no-go zone” every weekend to get fresh produce. The only time he felt in danger was when he stumbled upon a drunk countryman.
Going out nowadays doesn’t work anymore. Things have changed dramatically in the last few decades.
Well what defines going out? There are plenty of board game meet ups, even if you don’t especially like board games I would posit that it’s not an objectively negative experience; so if you must hold you nose and go anyway, do so.
Secondly, although this is coming from my experience in America, so your millage may vary, there’s tons of outdoor activities and groups: go for a hike, go backpacking.
You don’t need special equipment, you don’t need to buy anything. Just a water bottle, backpack, tent/tarp, and some non perishable foods and you’re good to go.
It’s true that the convenient third places of yesterday have seemingly vanished; but people are still out there.
I used to hike a lot but these days it’s incredibly difficult to find people to hike with, they’re usually at least twenty years older than me and not in the best shape anymore which rules out difficult routes. And everywhere else there are masses of stupid tourists and influencers stumbling around in their flip-flops (Because of course you wear flip-flops in the alps!), throwing trash everywhere and yelling into their smartphones when filming themselves which ruins the experience. Board and card game groups also died out in the early 2010s, that was just a short hype. A lot of things disappeared without replacement.
I mean I used to wear flip flops hiking all the time but I’m guessing you mean a different type since I would wear them transitioning between land and water without losing them.
This is what I’m talking about. You don’t go there hiking with flip-flops or sneakers. Or in shorts. Or without emergency bivouac. Or without checking the weather report first. A clear blue sky can turn pitch black in less than twenty minutes with huge temperature drops. People are so out of touch with nature nowadays, they completely underestimate how rough conditions can get. And they’re too lazy to do a just little bit of research.
Hmm well I can’t speak for Europe, but plenty of chill people to go hiking with in the US, plus it might not be the most challenging stuff maybe but I’ve hiked out of the grand canyon with my friends 70 yo grandma so if you want the social aspect you can still do challenging things just maybe go a little slower. Also again don’t know about Europe but there are like five weekly board game meetups in my decent sized city.
Isn’t the Grand Canyon also overrun with tourists and influencers?
The GRAND Canyon is… actually, very, very, VERY Grand.
It’s a huge place, bigger than any I’ve ever experienced before or since. Considering it “overrun” with… anything would be quite a feat. You could fill it with everyone in America and you’d still have space left over for two or three California Condors.
Man you seem to be very negative about this.
I guarantee you that most tourists don’t even leave the rim of the grand canyon at all. They walk around the visitors center for an hour and go home. Go more than 1000’ down from the rim and it’s not particularly crowded at all.
I can’t comment on Europe, like the previous poster—America has far more wide open wilderness than Europe does in general—but if in the USA there are still countless places where you can backpack for days without seeing a single person. There are also plenty of easier hikes with beautiful views that only see a few visitors a day. Just need to put in the footwork to find them. You won’t find them by staying at home and complaining about other hikers.
That sounds great, I would love to see the Grand Canyon. But here in the alps - you have no idea. It’s ridiculous, there is so much overtourism now, it literally exploded in the last ten years. Now I try to find new areas far away from those people. I wished I had access to one of those ISP maps showing statistics about connected devices. But insects work too, the more insects you encounter, the further you are from “civilization”.
Going out to talk with people is now impossible because everyone busy for themselves .
Don’t even think about going there, they’ll kidnap you and sell you for your organs, if not worse, it’s not worth it.
Men looking for women as romantic partners is like searching for potable water in a desert.
When looking for men as romantic partners is like searching for potable water in a SWAMP.
Think you mean ocean, you can get very clean water from bogs
Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Honestly I don’t see what makes chasing after women so special, you men have better things to do in your lives.
So go out there & enjoy your hobbies. Stop wasting your time with this nonsense & trust me; you men will still be hated but at least you’ll be educated.
But then women start asking me if I’m gay, wtf is wrong with me and why am I so full of myself whenever I don’t want to date and enjoy solitude
Yeah exactly, notice the homophobia.
Chasing is only fun for predators. That’s why it’s such a frustrating and unfulfilling experience for the majority of men.
Chasing is fun, if you do it right.
Go out, learn some new hobbies, try new things. Make a point to at least try some things you don’t like. Make new friends, and you’ll probably find someone who is equally happy to find you. The chase can be fun, but don’t chase a person, chase happiness, run with the pack, and find the one who is running with you.
Sharing hobbies is not what I would call chasing, that’s just basic social skills. Chasing is pretty much all the pick-up artist stuff. But honestly, I find people of today extremely boring, especially young people. The most complex hobby they have is doing workout to look fit and even that is done on a very superficial level. Nobody makes art anymore or is into philosophy or psychology. It’s all just about consuming memes and TikTok slop or pretending to be creative by using AI or joining the current virtue signaling/slacktivism hypetrain on social media. That’s why I prefer to talk to older people, you can sit down with them in a café and talk for hours about plenty of topics without ever looking at a smartphone. But it’s not easy to find them, they don’t go out much either for similar reasons. Society has changed a lot in the last decades and all I can do is to accept that and cherish those rare occasions.
New generations aren’t required to appreciate the culture of older generations.
Frankly, I think the half-perm half macklemore high sided buzzcut fuccboi look is dumb, and it makes people look like pomped up poodles, but they aren’t getting those haircuts to be attractive to millennials. I imagine this is what my parents thought when every guy in my generation had spiked hair with bleached tips… So let them be alien to you, it’s totally normal. You don’t have to understand, but you should give them space to be themselves.
We didn’t have much better haircuts back then either. But we had more diversity. This is also one of those things I miss, the countless subcultures which led to interesting social dynamics. When was the last time you saw punks and hip hop enjoyers partying together in a park?
I’m not trying to take space away from young people by any means. I actually tried the opposite. It didn’t work and I moved on.
When was the last time you saw punks and hip hop enjoyers partying together in a park?
Never, but that’s because I spent most of my youth playing video games, or running around in the woods hitting my siblings with sticks.
or is into philosophy or psychology
That makes people fun?
I find people of today extremely boring, especially young people
I think you should take a look at yourself before you call a generation that is experiencing the highest cost of living in modern history, boring.
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That makes people fun?
Yes, talking to people about something deeper than “lol, look at this meme” is fun.
I think you should take a look at yourself before you call a generation that is experiencing the highest cost of living in modern history, boring.
WTF does one have to do with the other…? Are you suggesting that people have zero interests outside of social media because of high cost of living?
You do realise that libraries are free? That getting a used guitar will cost you all of $50? That getting a pencil and a notebook to start drawing will be, what, $5? Oh yeah, you can even get a pencil for free at an Ikea.
Computers and music instruments are ridiculously cheap compared to the eighties and nineties. I had to build stuff with broken parts I found in trash (like everybody else who wasn’t rich so the majority of users) and still managed to make much better music with all that Frankenstein equipment than the average young AI slop “artist” of today. And you’re also proving my point regarding philosophy and psychology or anything else that needs more than a few seconds to process. Fits perfectly with studies about declining attention spans.
Predators like you.
You are the epitome of “Look ladies, I’m your one true good man” energy.
UPDATE: Ooof a quick dislike huh, maybe I touched a nerve
Yeah, I know. I’ve been called a rapist for refusing to have sex with women several times. Because that’s what predators do.
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Can I share this in [email protected] or [email protected]
Of course. It’s not mine, cross post/share away!
Awesome thanks 😊
And don’t forget to tell the other girls we said hi. 🤭
Sure, why not?
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men bad
It’s a sad reality, but women literally risk life and limb by meeting a strange man. Dating platforms are crawling with predators, when one is identified it can take weeks or months to remove the account. Be patient out there gentlemen.
You risk life and limb crossing the street. It is reasonable to take some precautions like looking both ways or waiting on a walk signal. It is not reasonable to assume every driver will swerve into you when they see an opportunity.
Take care to prepare for the worst for your own safety, but don’t assume the worst in others.
I had a friend that used to bring all her first dates to the bar I tended. Just in case.
That’s a good strategy. The first time I met my wife in person, she arranged to have a friend call and check in and give her excuse to bounce if things weren’t’ right.
Wait… Because so many of them turned out to be predators?.. On the first date? Like it was THAT common?
How many times did you have to step in and stop things?
I guess it depends on the term predator.
You’ve only got to be wrong once.
Yeah it’s the whole poison M&Ms thing… Would you keep eating if you knew just one might kill you.
But I guess IRL dating still happens, so we clearly do have a drive to persist and try. Story of humanity I guess.
It’s so irritating. What right do humans have to keep existing? After murdering most of the world and creating a hellscape.
If one is sufficiently motivated, one takes one’s chances.
The stats on these things exist.
But nobody likes to talk about them, because they don’t line up with the ‘men are all evil’ narrative.
Women are way more likely to get assaulted by someone already in their life than a random stranger. That stat makes people VERY uncomfortable. Much harder to imagine your uncle or your co-worker will assault you than some random guy on the street…
People you’re on a first date with count as people in your life, not as strangers in those polls, iirc.
No, not generally, no.
It means your immediate and extended family, people you live with, people you’ve known and interacted regularly with for 2+ years… people who you have had a consistent relationship with for some time.
And also these aren’t like… ‘polls’, in the derogatory sense of a dubious or poor quality one.
They’re crime stats, and academic reviews of them.
The public image of rape is of the proverbial stranger attacking a woman in an alleyway. While such rapes do occur, most rapes actually happen between people who know each other. A wide body of research finds that 60–80 percent of all rapes and sexual assaults are committed by someone the woman knows, including husbands, ex-husbands, boyfriends, and ex-boyfriends, and only 20–35 percent by strangers (Barkan, 2012). A woman is thus two to four times more likely to be raped by someone she knows than by a stranger.
(This is a bit old, but the citation for Barkan 2012 is a literal Criminology textbook, used to teach Criminology… it keeps getting updated and revised, but I am not able to find the entire text of the most up to date version available freely.)
A first date is a stranger, I guess possibly unless this is a first physical date after a prolonged long-distance relationship.
A boyfriend, husband, or ex… is not a stranger, in the sense of a person you have no substantial relational history with.
…
Also, if we are talking about domestic abuse, violence committed by people in a substantial relationship, toward their partner:
IPV is common. It affects millions of people in the United States each year. Data from CDC’s National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS) indicate:
About 41% of women and 26% of men experienced contact sexual violence, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner during their lifetime and reported a related impact.
Over 61 million women and 53 million men have experienced psychological aggression by an intimate partner in their lifetime.
https://www.cdc.gov/intimate-partner-violence/about/index.html
(You may note this page was last updated before DOGE did its DEI purge of online US gov data, looks to me like this survived it unaltered, I’ve been using this page as a citation every so often for years when discussions like this pop up.)
So yeah, this is obviously a big problem for women… but more than half as many men have been victims of that first, very serious category of IPV as women, and something like 7/8ths as many men have been psychologically abused as women, by a partner.
When you take into account that genrerally heteronormative machismo dissuades men from reporting psych abuse, and that… many places in the US still don’t consider a woman forcing a man to have sex with them against their will… to even be rape / SA …
…yeah, I mean, the proverbial ‘win’ probably still goes to men for being just overall more likely to do IPV, but the margins of that ‘win’ are way more narrow than most people seem to think.
…
Another factor that is very prevalent to IPV that is rarely emphasized by society:
A whole lot of relationships involving IPV have two guilty parties, both are abusive (like, legally, often criminally), the entire relationship, both parties to it, are toxic.
That lines up well with all statistics I have read on that topic.
Wouldn’t that depend on the quality and source of the poll? Like in academia when there’s a publication with a poll (generally called a survey) - they usually publish a methodology section which states how things are being defined/asked.
Methodologies between surveys aren’t universal, so I don’t think it makes sense to speak of “all polls”.
Obviously. The majority of them that I’ve seen group people into friends, acquaintances, strangers, partners, colleagues, and family. First dates are acquaintances.
Nah, if it’s a first meeting surely that’s a stranger. Like those researchers are using a flawed methodology if they’ve assumed everyone tells the truth about themselves online. Clearly a flawed idea. Doesn’t sound very academic to me.
Noticed you left out “partner” there buddy.
That’s usually the #1
Well yeah, but presumably if you have a partner already, you aren’t going on too many dates with strangers.
I’ve heard total horror stories from exes and friends. First date weirdos and creeps are absolutely a common thing. Never hurts to be safe, especially in such a non-obtrusive way!
I feel like weirdo, creepy, and predator, are three different terms. I kinda like weirdos, the other two not so much. Predators are the worst.
I think the internet and the collecting of anecdotes that everyone probably has (I have some), can sometimes construct a self-selecting criteria that paints the world to sound worse than it is.
I just sometimes worry that online, or in anecdotes we’re using a selection criteria that takes humanity, and make the worst of it stand out to the point nothing is worth doing, no one is worth sparing or dating.
Of course there are unambiguous cases of horrible predators. But here’s to the weirdos and even some of the creeps, may your social skills dramatically improve through the stories you ended up in, and may you never lose your way and become predators.
There’s some guy out there with a religion that says you are basically the devil, and there is nothing you can do about it.
I think it was fairly clear from what I said about “horror stories” that I didn’t mean harmless and fun weird people.
I think weirdo, basically means we have different standards of behaviour, and/or humour.
Creep, means they wanted to have sex with me and I didn’t want to have sex with them.
Predator, means they’re stalking or pestering me.
So like I guess I just don’t have weirdo “horror” stories (they’d be escalated to creep, horror is creepy or involves predators). But you seem more like you’re willing to mix all the terms into a stew of bad. Understandable.
Anyways, thanks for the discussion. 🙏
I never had to actually step in for her. She’d just casually mention I was a friend, or introduce me, if things weren’t good. Apparently, that settled things down.
We would occasionally get people who couldn’t take a hint and we’d tossed them out when there were a complaints.
Oh that’s good. Good job!
Dating platforms areLIFE is crawling with predatorshe FTFY
Edit: Just to add “predator” is not only the psycho that will kill/rape a woman. Any men that do not accept a NO, that thinks they are “playing hard to get”, that catcalls a woman in the streets, ta makes an unsolicited comment about their body, that thinks woman are ment to do whatever they want… any of those men are predators.
Any men is a comment away from being a predator. Don’t be this man
What if someone were to say, start intentionally spreading rumors about men by claiming they had seen several women raped in their lives? For the sake of population control. That sounds like it would be very effective if I could find a large enough audience.
Of course it doesn’t feel great to think that people are uncomfortable and threatened just being aware that you are a single man who exists in the same environment, but if that’s how it’s gotta be, how do you successfully communicate that you are not a threat?
how do you successfully communicate that you are not a threat?
I don’t.
I’m not interested in socializing with discriminating cretins who deal in absolutes and i like my peace of mind.but if that’s how it’s gotta be, how do you successfully communicate that you are not a threat?
That’s what a predator would say.
No, seriously, trust is built over time.
No, seriously, trust is built over time.
Well yeah, obviously, but why would someone give you the opportunity if being around you makes them uncomfortable and threatened? It works the other way around too; I wouldn’t want to spend time with someone if it seems like doing so might be making them feel afraid, in that case I’m just going to stay away from them.
Pressure quite often. Social pressure, psychological pressure. It can be a form of de-escelation out of fear what would happen if you rejected the person. Not entirely the same situation, but that’s the reason I can’t say no that easily to my alcoholic brother’s shenanigans. Imagine what women go through on a daily basis
Makes sense, but there has to be a better way as that sounds awful, like it does not sound like your alcoholic brother is genuinely building trust with you that way.
No he doesn’t. But it’s the easiest way for me to cope and deal with the situation. I don’t have the patience or the mental fortitude to try and convince or convert my family to abstain from alcohol. I’d rather avoid the situation and look out for my own well-being than be exposed to their drinking. I know it’s not the healthiest strategy, but it’s what’s been helping me the past few years
You people know this is a good thing, right? It’s our population problem regulating itself.
Not going fast enough though so war is still necessary.
That’s psychotic. War is never necessary.
It is regarding population control. We got rid of our natural enemies so now we need to be our own enemy. Even with all those wars it’s not enough. A deadly world war or pandemic (or both combined) would be need.
Or we keep going and ultimately cause the runaway greenhouse effect, killing all life on this planet.
“Be patient out there gentlemen”
Naahhh…just give up on finding anyone
Suicide and loneliness seems like the only answer.
With that attitude.
Don’t do it…
That’s one thing not worth dying for. Modern humans are meant to be self-sufficient individuals that depend on nothing but the very basics to survive.
What is the point of living so, I think we are getting into the big filter…
You must have your own purpose, completelly independent of others
“Happiness belongs to those who are sufficient unto themselves. For all external sources of happiness and pleasure are, by their very nature, highly uncertain, precarious, ephemeral and subject to chance.” - Arthur Schopenhauer
Truly a well-chosen nickname.
Yes
So just need to bio-enhance women to be super strong in order to get dates, got it.
All roads lead to dommy mommy
Isn’t it hilarious that women VASTLY PREFER dating strangers than from within their own social sphere? The phenomenon of "But we’re friends! is a cliche for a reason.
Do you have any statistics backing up that claim or is that purely anecdotal/an subjective assumption?
Again, why is friend zoning such a cliche? Because women usually turn down men they’ve already met.
Okay, so the latter.
Just because a cliché exist does not mean it’s actually true. People that are complaining about a lot on the Internet are maybe more likely to spend too much time on the Internet in general and by that are more likely to have a lack of social skills in the real world.
To counter that anecdotally: in my social circle a lot couples spawned from a previous social connection and there are only a few that meet through dating apps or where a random hook up in the first place.
Women turn down men they’re not attracted to. This has nothing to do with how long they’ve known each other. There is no such thing as the friend zone, just the you-are-not-attractive zone.
Maybe they turn down men they already considered and rejected? Strangers are still being considered.
Turning down people isn’t something bad. It’s worse to end up with someone who don’t fit.
Friendzone though is most often just not having guts to say that loud and clear.
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Just be worthy of trust and you’ll earn it.
The weird thing I really don’t have a big issue with that. It’s just that the rhetoric just crushes me because it never ends and it fucks my head up and I start to doubt myself.
I have to work really hard to consistently push through that myself. I fail and spiral into despair about 25% of the time. I’m getting better at it though.
How come str8s don’t consult with their local LGBTQ+ friendos? I like playing matchmaker.
Because it doesn’t work. It’s already bad enough with straight people doing it.
Gotta have local friendos first…
(cries in very high cost of living, old rich people area)
Because with the possible exception of the bi’s, you’re all inherently unqualified for the job of setting up a heterosexual relationship. Why don’t you ask straight men to pick out sweaters? Because we’re bad at it at an anatomical level.
This is kind of like how parents don’t let their kids play out anymore because the news told us it’s all pedophiles out there.
Yeah, all the pedophiles are in the church and government.
