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A long time ago, I tried giving similar advice to someone on reddit I saw had a similar vibe I felt I probably had some version of back in my 17 - 22 age range period. I think telling someone who feels hopeless about their own chances in relationship success stories where you personally can relate are the best way to pull someone out of an otherwise toxic spiral they often get stuck in.
Not the typical “be yourself” parental type advice, but like “I also felt” and “well until I” type of personal experience perspective. Use your own genuine growth and self-reflection as a cornerstone of how you talk to them. If you want to help, you need to talk to them in a way that makes them feel like they’re not the only person in the world who is experiencing or who has experienced the sort of despair they have.
And - as someone else pointed out - it isn’t your responsibility. And ultimately, the person has to themselves want things to be better. If they’ve decided it’s hopeless, there’s nothing anyone but themselves will be able to do… but it is noble to try.
At one point in my life, I had decided I would stop feeling hopeless after being rejected by those who I had fallen for, and instead work on myself. As a result, I ended up getting into really great shape, going on dates, and meeting lots of really wonderful people and growing as a person - ultimately finding someone who I eventually married and had a family with. I realized far after the fact that I must have been someone miserable to be around in at least some way - due to the way I was raised (also religious Southern sheltered family), and the poor socialization skills I had lacked as a result.
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Let’s re-examine your statement by switching out a couple of words that keep the idea of “why should they get <x>?” to show how it would sound with any other context.
I <had to lose my eye to a car wreck> - why should we force <carmakers to build vehicles with seatbelts> for what is already the most entitled generation ever?
They <want to drive> - they can <drive in a car without a seatbelt just like I did>. Otherwise where does it stop? Are they going to <mandate airbags in cars> next?
Why not? It’s the same principle.
Do you understand now? If not, try changing what’s in the <x> to being related to “cancer treatment” or “the 40 hour work week” or “social security.”
Just because something before was bad and we made it better, doesn’t mean we should not do it just because it won’t help everyone.
Framing here’s a bit off. You shouldn’t have to go to school - sure… as a requirement… but the big thing that’s completely being missed (as we have been taught that college is for “fancy” jobs) is that in other decent countries… there is no cost to it.
Advanced educated populaces are seen by non - “authoritarian-run-shit-holes” as something that makes a country more economically competitive in an increasingly global job market.
Whether it’s being paid to learn on the job training with a welding apprenticeship subsidized by taxes, or being able to go to medical school via tax-subsidized funds that don’t create artificial barriers to entry for the poor for no other reason - it’s a good thing for advanced education (and pre-school and every other form of education) to be publicly funded.
Those of us who’ve been on the internet since the mid-90s remember how Digg fucked up. Apparently none of those people who remember what happened last time are around at the top of Reddit anymore.
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