I know this is more fitted for the mental health community on lemmy.world, but that community feels like shouting in the void. I want to have a more “normal” talk about like life, death, purpose, and stuff. How do y’all not just get consumed by how you will be gone one day, how one day no one in the world will even remember you. Most of us aren’t even gonna have a wikipedia page, not even gonna make it into one single news article (obituaries don’t count). I’m just so sad. What’s the point. What keeps you going?
Edit: I live in the USA btw, I’m around age 18-25. I was diagnosed with depression last year and I took some antidepressants for some time, but I’ve since stopped taking them for a while.
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Some of us embrace the meaninglessness.
Sure, one of these days I’m gonna kick it and within a generation, at best, no one will remember me.
And what’s wrong with that? I won’t know anyway.
So, if life is meaningless and nothing matters and we all die in the end, then why not make the most of it? If all I get are (let’s be honest) a good 60 years, then why not spend those around people I like, doing things I like, going places I like?
I’m obviously constrained by not being rich. But I found myself a job that pays well and doesn’t fuck me up too bad. I actually quite like it. I met some of my friends there, and I’m surrounded by smart, driven people, some of whom I actually look up to.
The other 16 hours of the day I spend doing things I find meaning in. Reading good books. Watching good shows. Spending time with my SO. Writing. Having drinks with friends. Lifting heavy things.
By default we have nothing at the start, and nothing again at the end. Why not enjoy the middle? Nothing needs to have any other meaning than “I like it”. Why not spend 3 hours washing the car? I like it. I like those 30 seconds when I’m done and it’s shiny as fuck. Why not spend 16 straight hours playing a new game with a couple of friends? I like it. Why not spend 10h a week in the gym getting way stronger than I’ll ever need to be? I like it.
I call this optimistic nihilism and I find it quite liberating.
Exist for yourself and the people around you. If your idea of happiness if being universally known, you will never be happy, because every celibrity has at least as many haters has fans, and haters tend to talk louder.
The world is you, and this life is yours. Make it memorable and agreable for yourself and those around you. I’m not saying go be an Indiana Jones and have Impossible adventures, I’m saying make the most of what you have and the ones you are surrounded with. In the end you won’t care if the universe remembers you, only what you remember.
“It is impossible to live in the past, difficult to live in the present and a waste to live in the future.” - from “Dune” by Frank Herbert
Howdy. 56 yo, here. I have ADHD, as well as dystymia. About two years ago, I had a pretty big spiritual awakening, and it’s really helped bring some of the things you mentioned into perspective for me.
“How do y’all not just get consumed by how you will be gone one day, how one day no one in the world will even remember you.” My grandparents have been gone a while. I haven’t forgotten them, the love they gave me, nor the wisdom and values they imparted to me. My high school chum Paul committed suicide while we were freshmen. I haven’t forgotten him, nor the time he stuck up for me on a high school road trip to Houston, TX (one of our fellow students wouldn’t stop smoking in the hotel room. I was having an asthma attack, so Paul clocked him with one of those souvenir foot long baseball bats you get at the games to get him to stop.)
It’s the little ways we impact people’s lives that matters. Our existence is impressed upon others in the time we share with them, not by Wikipedia pages, news articles, YouTube followers, etc. For me, my purpose is not stuff (though those Steam Decks do look pretty sweet), nor fame, nor even fortune. It’s about finally getting to a place in my life where I like myself, and extending that to those I come in contact with every day. And when the day comes when we finally shed this body, we’ll never really be gone, because we’ll have made a difference - no matter how big or small - to somebody somewhere in this world.
I wish you enlightenment, joy, and fulfillment. Now and always. 🙏 🕉️
One of my philosophical axioms is I do not want to be remembered by name. I only want the impact I’ve had on the world to be my memory as it ripples through time. Doesn’t have to be big… Raising good kids, planting a single tree, or it could be big. But everyone can’t do big things, so take what you can, try to do something impactful in some way as often as you can, something that’s in your nature to do.
I only want the impact I’ve had on the world to be my memory as it ripples through time. Doesn’t have to be big…
Reminds me of when I made a meme criticizing one of the rules of [email protected] that stated that posts mentioning suicide is not allowed, and the mods actually changed the rules. Remembering that event makes me feel slightly more hopeful for the future.
For context, this is the post: https://reddthat.com/post/1360444
This is the mod response after someone crossposted my meme: https://reddthat.com/comment/1578405
Small impact, but I hope that Lemmy is better, even if just slightly. Maybe a Lemmy user in the future is in need of help and with that rule change they can now feel safer to talk to people there. I wish I had the power to do more impactful things, but I’m currently way too depressed to actually do anything.
It’s a spiral, you have to do something or it will get worse. Go eat a piece of fruit, take the seed, and sprout it, grow it big enough and then put it in the ground somewhere. That should take you a couple of years. One day, some people are going to stumble upon an out of place fruit tree, they’re going to wonder about the person that put it there and they’re going to eat from it and it will nourish them. If you can’t come up with the motivation, then just do it because I said so.
to preface this, i just want to say i don’t have any mental illnesses or disorders or anything, and so, if you do, this might not help at all. this is just my own perspective on life.
i’ve never personally been very caught up in the whole our lives are meaningless, we are only a minor blip in time, nothing matters in the end, we are tiny and inconsequential in the grand scheme of things, etc. i think i used to care somewhat, but i sort of just realized at some point that, even if we don’t matter “overall”, that doesn’t mean our lives don’t matter at all.
it doesn’t particularly matter to me that one day i’ll be dead and forgotten, because, well, i’m not dead and forgotten right now. right now i’m alive and experiencing things and have people who care about me. why should it matter that, in 100 years or so, i’ll be dead? why should that take away from the very real life/experiences/memories i have right now?
same idea with size/scale related thoughts. we are tiny on a cosmic scale, our lives don’t matter because of how inconsequential they are, etc. but like… the only thing i have is my life and experiences. why should it matter to me what’s important on a “cosmic scale”? if it’s not concerned with me, i quite frankly don’t see why it should concern me either.
Do you do sports and eat well? I found that physical and mental stimulation help against depression.
You’re pretty young, it’s not too late to change the world. I for one teach young people how IT works, which is very fulfilling.
Um… quick question, are you a bot? Your account is marked as a bot… 🤔
But anyways. Physical excercise is gonna be tough. I can’t even breath very well, if I walked a bit too fast, I’d be struggling to breathe. I had covid before and I wonder if that made my lungs worse or something. Speaking of IT, I was in a state university majoring in Computer Science, I actually got very excited when I got accepted. But quickly my depression went very bad and I had to withdrawl. Idk if I can even learn stuff anymore. I read an article that said that depression can cause long-term brain damage. I feel like I’m sick and dying. I can’t even think like I used to be able to. I feel like my depression has caused my intelligence to drop a lot.
kinda sounds like you have long covid. i’d highly recommend working on improving your cardiovascular health in the short term. if you can run, run. if not, walk. just as much activity as you can do consistently
it’s hard to underscore how important being able to breathe is. i know you’re depressed and worried about things, and you don’t feel like anything has a point… but it’s a lot easier to feel those things when your cells can’t get the energy they need to function
i’m a little too sleepy to write much about the nihilism you’re feeling, but… i spend my life trying to help people and improve the lives of those around me as much as i can. it doesn’t really matter to me if i’m remembered
but being able to help others starts with being able to help yourself. you can only give once you, yourself, are provided for. and you deserve that, so do your best to achieve it, even though the world makes that very hard
try to do some breathing techniques and meditation too. i like 4-7-8 breathing (inhale for 4 counts, hold for 7, exhale for 8) but you can try 4-4-4 (same thing but all are 4 counts) or just focusing on breathing where you’re exhaling longer than you’re inhaling
why did you stop your depression medication? if it wasn’t working for you, you should bring it up to your doctor and try a different one. there are a lot of them and one will probably help you
for the meditation, read about mindfulness. it’s about just trying to be present in the moment, instead of losing your train of thought and focusing on that
try to focus on these basic things for the next six months or so. covid can be devastating to the human body and recovery takes a long time. be easy on yourself and do your best to heal. you’re young so you’ll hopefully be able to bounce back with some patience and effort
i hope this helps, i think you sound like a bright young person with a good future ahead of you, if you can become healthy again. i believe you can, i hope you can too
why did you stop your depression medication? if it wasn’t working for you, you should bring it up to your doctor and try a different one. there are a lot of them and one will probably help you
Um… so I was taking Lexapro (brand for Escitalopram) and sometimes I get really depressed and I um… I take more than needed. Sometimes I would be like 10 days into a 30 day supply and I have an existential crisis. I feel like crying especially when I see how many people around the world is suffering. I just can’t hold in the tears. Like stories about how people can’t afford basic things, food, shelter, diabetics can’t afford insulin. Stories about people suddenly find themselves in a warzone for no fucking reason (Russian Invasion of Ukraine). Inflation and the wages doesn’t even keep up. I’m just so sad for humanity. So much great potential. People are so evil towards each other. There’s so much hatred in my coutry. I mean wtf is this. I mean, florida is what I fear would happen to us. We’ve seen what happened in Weimar Republic. Thoughts like this horrify me. I am in no position of power to do anything. I don’t even have the energy to do anything. I just take all of the rest of the entire bottle of antidepressants, all at once. I kinda felt calm for some time, but after those chemicals leave my body, those thoughts came back again. I can’t even use antidepressants properly, I have no self control, and I often take more than I’m supposed to. Which mean I run out before the intended date, so then I have to explain to my doctor what I did, and I think after like 2 times of this happening, my doctor didn’t trust me anymore with my misusing of antidepressants and told me to see a specialist (my doctor is a General Practitioner). I kinda just didn’t feel like seeking help anymore, almost felt like being told “you’re too fucked up for me to help you, fuck off and go bother someone else”. I haven’t seen a health professional for like months.
i’m surprised you even got anything out of taking so many at a time, by nature they’re a chemical that needs to build up and has a gradual effect on your body. that temporary feeling of relief could have even been placebo. regardless, i say this so you understand that fundamentally goes against how they’re supposed to work. ideally, you would have just had your dose raised, because the one you had was clearly not strong enough for you. but that ship seems to have sailed, not much we can do now
anyways… you have a soft heart, and that’s not a bad thing. but you need to be responsible with it. think of your heart like a creature that needs good nourishment; reading stories of sadness and despair are bad nourishment. you need good nourishment, stories that bring you hope and joy, to flourish. so get off of social media, regulate your intake. read happy stories on webtoons or fantasy books or something. even the most mentally resilient people aren’t equipped for the flood of bad news that comes in from every corner of the world, so don’t feel ashamed of it. it’s taking care of yourself. you’re not doing anyone any good by reading about sad things you can’t change, you’re just making it so the sad things are making the world even more sad
the other thing to understand is, that lack of control over your meds, that’s actually a lack of ability to tolerate your own emotions. you read something, you feel sad, and you can’t tolerate that feeling, so you overdose on your meds to try and cope. again, not something to be ashamed of, but it’s important to recognize. it’s also important to recognize that tolerating your feelings is a skill, and it’s a skill you can build. it takes dedicated time and effort, but it can be done with the things i mentioned in my original post - breathing exercises and meditation
it sounds like you’ve lived a hard life, as well, and if you can find a therapist, i think that would be good for you, to help talk these things out and recognize that the feelings they evoke are not permanent and that you will survive the pain they bring. i’d recommend you find a trauma informed therapist, if you can.
so, for a list for you:
- stop reading about all the bad shit that happens in the world, replace it with postiive / happy things
- walk a little bit each day
- research and practice mindfulness meditation
- practice breathing exercises
- find a therapist, schedule an appointment, and go see them consistently
take these up for the next six months. if you’re a little more stable, you can reach out to your doctor and explain the steps you’ve taken to improve your life and see if they’re willing to take you back. or you can just find a different doctor, but i think it would be good to practice these things at least a little bit first, so you don’t need to worry about abusing your pills again
sorry if i’m a little terse here, i did my best, but i’m super tired and sore from doing yoga, something i’m doing for myself to help with similar problems. if you have any questions, please ask them and i’ll reply to you again tomorrow after i’ve rested
If you reduce stress and increase exercise your brain will recover. I have seen people so stressed and depressed they couldn’t even hold a conversation for more than two sentences. One of them is a multimillionaire business owner nowadays.
i’m gonna reply to your other post later today but i’d like you to read this really good post i found elsewhere on beehaw about long covid
https://beehaw.org/comment/995252
just didn’t want to lose the link
I kinda don’t.
It does help not intentionally burying yourself even deeper in shit that bothers you, though. I try to only consume news and political material when I specifically go for it, because having it blared in my face 24/7 was starting to make it hard to “put down”, mentally - and it’s not like following politics will give you much of a cheery outlook on life, let alone US politics. That has led to my blocking explicitly political communities on stuff like kbin (which is great fun if you enjoy whack-a-mole).
Some great responses that I can’t beat here. But a little more perspective: For me, when I’m overwhelmed, and feeling existential, it always comes back to one thing. I’m trying too much. Many people solve this by giving up. But the real answer is to try harder with fewer things.
For example, “someday no one in the world will remember you”. Is being remembered forever actually something you should try and achieve? How about just making an impact in your loved ones lives? How about contributing something to society (like your career) that will outlive you, even if no one remembers who did it.
Rather than trying to make your life what it “should be” , make goals to forge a life that’s better for you. These should be realistic steps towards becoming content with what you have. Everything else is gravy. Maybe you will end up talked about forever.
Remember, goals can point you in the right direction, but don’t sweat meeting them exactly. Life throws curve balls and you will adapt. Remember to appreciate the moment you’re in. Then when you desire purpose, your goals will remind you which way to go.
I’m trying too much. Many people solve this by giving up. But the real answer is to try harder with fewer things.
This is so, so true. Thank you for this, kind stranger.
Mindfulness meditation helps me learn to let go sometimes and stop ruminating about unsolvable problems. I really think everyone in the world can benefit from meditating regularly and learning the nature of their own mind. I chose a career that has a large impact on other people. I try to make the world a better place, be a good friend, and treat others well. I don’t see a purpose in dwelling on how eventually my existence will be forgotten, because worrying about it doesn’t change anything. I had an existential crisis like what it sounds like you’re going through around when I turned 30 and it made me commit super hard to being the best person I can be. I am often regarded as a super driven, hard-working person by the people around me now and I grind out every day in order to not waste any of my time on this planet. It doesn’t stop time but it does make it more likely I’ll die content with my life choices.
I’ve made it into a newspaper article (nth page, but hey), I’ve got some websites in the Wayback Machine, even a Geocities page, my GitHub archived in the Arctic vault, even got an article published… so after doing all that, I live my days normally: everyday I wake up in pain and thinking about ending it all, take my benzos and other meds, go through the motions, until it’s sleepy time when I look at the benzos and painkillers, take my time to think about whether I have any reason to wake up the next day… and take the easiest path, which is taking my nightly dose and sleeping until the next morning.
What’s the point? I may win enough on the lotto to stop worrying, several people per million do it every day.
What keeps me going? Believe it or not, laziness.
Lots of things, important for me is a general support for life extension tech and pushing for a society that will make it accessible for everyone .
However in terms of my actual day to day stuff, I do projects that contribute to the things I have decided I want the world to be like, I make friends by talking about this stuff with others or just more casual things I enjoy, I try (often unsuccessfully, but still) to make progress on specific, concrete things that I believe will improve the world or just my life in some small way .
Some people do just embrace a lack of purpose as a form of liberation from expectation and pressure, some (like me) do not believe in any kind of external purpose but simply decide one or several for ourselves, and some (also like me, sometimes) live at least partially in resistance against an uncaring universe.
Taking time to try and examine your own fears and thoughts and where they come from might also help. This is a learned skill, though, and takes practise ;p
Is there a reason why you’ve stopped taking antidepressants? Asking respectfully, not in an attempt to have you justify your decision, because why would you have to.
Personally I’m an atheist, and thus (by extension) probably a bit of a nihilist - once I’m dead, I’ll cease to exist and nothing really matters to me anymore. This means that once I’ve been gone for so long that nobody remembers me, I’ve long stopped caring.
I still try to live the best possible life. Because while the world in its entirety may not notice my existence, I certainly do, as does the tiny part of the world I interact with, and I intend to make the most of my time here.
People also tend to underestimate the impact they have one other people’s lives. Ask anybody about people who have influenced them, and you will get a huge list. Ask the same person about a list of people they think they have influenced, and the list will be much, much shorter. Until somebody explicitly tells you that you’ve had an influence on them, it’s hard to know about it.
Ever since I’ve got step kids I can’t stop worrying about what they’ll learn from me and whether I’ll be a good influence or the one they’ll point their finger at in therapy session or on true-crime TV one day. So far they appear to turn out great, and every time they say or do something that they might have copied from me, I’m still in awe.
The same is true for other kids in the extended family, students that are unfortunate enough to be mentored by me, friends in need, …
I’m also prone to worrying about pretty much anything (IT professional with a focus on security - not sure whether it’s an occupational hazard or my tendency to worry has steered me to my current job).
Personally I’ve found that categorising my fears/worries helps tremendously.
If it’s a rational fear, it should be something tangible and I can look into steps to alleviate it. Our stock of food, water, fuel and medical supplies f’r instance should comfortably get us through any natural disaster, pandemic or power outage than can realistically be expected.
Irrational fears are difficult, as they tend not to be impressed by the fact that they’re irrational and there’s nothing to worry about. But I can still try and find other ways to alleviate them. For example when I was a child there was a time when we were piss-poor, and I still worry a lot about money even though we’re relatively well-off now and my job is very secure. In these situations I’ve found that it helps to look at our well-stocked pantry, so that something in my animal brain sees the abundance of food and stops worrying.
If it’s something that doesn’t affect me directly but still bothers me (e.g. the Ukraine war), is there any way I can help? For example make a donation, influence my country’s politics (tough one in ‘neutral’ Switzerland at the moment), or anything else that makes me feel like I’ve made a difference?
Also, do keep in mind that most media paint an incomplete picture of what’s really going on in the world. Headlines such as “Boyscout helps old lady cross the road” or “today has been a rather nice and uneventful day” just don’t make for good visitor numbers.
Enjoying the small things can help. Mindfulness, as in “the ability to appreciate the small and seemingly insignificant things”, is a wonderful tool to combat existential dread.
Preface: I’m not going to pretend to know your situation or circumstances. If you’re struggling to find meaning or purpose in life, I’ve my answers but there’s isn’t AN answer even if you look for it. Don’t hesitate to seek out help if you feel there’s anything that you can’t get through alone. I’m generally healthy, but I’ve had a few times I’ve spiralled through an unhealthy amount of anxiety. With that all said, my answer is below and you can see if it might help you.
For me, doing kind things for other people brings me joy and purpose. I know I can’t fix the world and all it’s complicated problems, but I’m capable enough to do something that would mean the world for a person, even if for just a moment.
Why do people have to know my name? After my life, does how much money I have to my name, how many newspaper articles are made mentioning me doesn’t matter at all? I think about the kind things people have done for me, and I think about how I can pay forward even a small fraction of it. And even if the people I help don’t know who I am, does that matter?
The mark I leave on the world that I have control over, are the things I do and the choices I make while I am a living being. That means that if I make a concious choice to improve myself and improve others’ lives to the best degree I can, that mark will have been positive. Even if it’s the smallest bit of noise in the universe, it will forever have an impact even if no one knows about it.
The world is a sad unforgiving place that you have very little to no control over its unforgivingness. Once you realize this and try to make even the most microscopic pockets of positivity around you, perhaps you will be able to build something that resembles direction.
Donate, volunteer, socialize, talk to successful and unsuccessful people alike. Meditate/be mindful. Explore how other people are feeling without needing to make their problems your problems. Connect with nature. Connect with the man-made. Connect with people. Feel your presence in this world with all your available senses. See everything that IS for what it IS, rather than what it could be. Only from there, begin to look at what you can do about it.
