You sound like my long lost twin lol, jokes aside I can really relate with you, I have also learned to accept myself and my personality the hard way, I had literally 0 real friends when i began high school, this lead me to make a lot of toxic friends, couple that with already low self esteem and I was always very shy and awkward, which also made me less likable (I think?) by other people, I would frequently be made fun of regarding how I walk or stand, even by some teachers.

It’s only recently I realized that I don’t need to listen or care about anyone’s opinion, I was (enlightened?) that I was trying to actually force social interactions and in all the wrong places, I always skipped trips and then tried to initiate conversations with the wrong people or/and at the wrong time, this made the whole situation exceptionally worse

Fast forward and I have a lot more confidence in myself, I have also started doing better in my school, and I have learned to say no when my ‘friends’ seem to cross a line, some people say that I have grown ‘selfish’ but really I couldn’t care less

I also took part in the concert because I wanted to, none of the people I knew were in it, I thought it would be good idea as it will probably be the last high school function I could be a part of, it’s a shame that it failed but really whatever (It’s been around 2 weeks and I have started to feel (a lot) better about it)

P.S. in my school, there aren’t any ‘auditions’, you give the fee and you are in, and the teachers were the one telling kids what to do/perform, this left a sour taste in my mouth already, but they never really bothered to free an amp so I could practice and I really have no Idea why, I didn’t really want to put a half-assed performance their (It wouldn’t matter because it was an crappy orchestra anyway) and ruin everybody else’s performance, so I just skipped it