(TikTok screencap)
This, but unironically
A big emotion I’ve been dealing with is that the US decided to fall apart completely at the same time I finally got my life together. I used to be someone with a reputation, someone who didn’t have anything to lose or anything better to be doing. Now I have a wife and kid, career, I’m on my way to a degree, and I’m scared.
I didn’t care if I threw my life away back then, it waant getting used anyways, but now that I am using it I’m to terrified of losing that to protect what I have.
this, right here, is exactly what people outside the US don’t understand. most Europeans could never understand how much we have to lose if we rebel against even our local government.
we work hard to get where we are, harder than most outside the US, and there is a legitimate fear of losing it all by doing the wrong thing. especially if you have a less than desirable past.
when you act out, you’re not only risking your future, but the future of your family. you’re risking the trust you built. you’re risking all the support from those that helped you get to where you are.
you can only change what you have the power to do so and the only power we really have is to protect the ones we care and love for.
I see you dude. you’re doing great.
Time to do some cocaine about it
Anxiety is so wierd. I’ve been held at gunpoint and didn’t feel the anxiety I get from some appointments.
I used to make bombs with friends and blow craters the size of Nissan’s in fields with friends. I used to get so fuckin wasted I don’t remember multiple days. we made enough thermite once to melt through half a Hyundai.
speaking of fire, we had a bonfire so large that two, TWO, fire departments showed up unannounced from 10 miles away because they thought a house was burning. they saw the glow and because it was so bright, the smoke at 10 at night. the bonfire was built up of six full length uncut trees placed in a teepee in the middle of a field. the heat was so intense that it felt comfortable 100 ft away. it was like a signal fire and multiple parties converged at the field from multiple towns. had to be like 100 people there (including the fire department). it was immortalized as “the bonfire” in local lore and is still referenced 30 years later. the flames burned for weeks.
even through all that, I still get anxious before a call.
