Yeah. I do. And I got almost all of it minus a family.
But I say this and people tell me what an asshole I am. HOW DARE YOU BE GRATEFUL AND HAPPY.
I’m no longer allowed to be happy, because I’m awful and undeserving of the things I achieved, apparently.
I have turned to social isolation because when I’m alone I’m allowed to be happy. When I socialize I am not. I mostly just get lectured how I’m the embodiment of all that is wrong with the world.
I don’t want any of this bullshit.
I remember having what I currently want
I remember an hour ago when I wanted to be at home, and now I am.
Honestly, no. Many of worst fears have come true, and both my physical and mental health keep deteriorating year after year, I just got a new chronic disease diagnosis on top of the old ones. I really should have killed myself when I first started considering it and saved myself from this hell, but I thought I’d save my family from suffering through that. But now I just have more people to hurt, and I’m also pulling them into poverty and misery with me either way. If I had died years ago, my family would at least have had all this time to get their lives together afterwards. Now I’m just suffering more and they’re just going to suffer even more as well.
The most frustrating thing is, I’ve made no mistakes and still ended up here. Most of this could have happened to pretty much anyone. I get this is supposed to be wholesome, but I’m just really tired and sinking ever deeper. There’s no happy endings for all of us
My solution has been getting incredibly high on cannabis. Does it help? Well, with the nausea and insomnia and most things. Does it make it easier to bear through the bullshit? Definitely.
I have a hangover…
W
I remember being lonely, emotionally starved, and deeply depressed and dreaming of having someone to share my life with. Now my wife is sleeping next to me with my kids in their bedrooms. In a moment I’ll put my phone down and roll over and snuggle in next to her and grab her boobs.
This is and has been better than I ever dreamed.
Same, but we have colds so I’m sleeping on the sofa tonight to avoid disturbing each other. Boobs are neat, tho.
I’m still on the first part of your comment
The only advice that I can give is to force yourself to try. I’m a naturally introverted person but I pushed myself get outside my comfort zone again and again. When I asked my future wife out on a date, I didn’t think I could do it in person, so I asked her out over email. I figured she was out of my league (and she was)… but I told myself “it’s better to ask and get a ‘no’ than never ask and always wonder.” Be ready for the pain of rejection, but force yourself to do it anyway.
However I don’t know you and the mountains you face. They are likely different from mine and require a different path. Good luck finding your path and getting to the second part of the comment.
i have crippling depression
yeah, but at least you can breathe through your nose!
I can’t right now :(
I’ve been sick for over a week and am at the sinus-y, asthma-ridden end of it.
Let me come back to this thread next week when I have my health back.
I’m sorry for your loss.
I’m sorry to hear that. Is there anything you have now, that you once wanted for? Anything at all?
Crippling depression.
Sometimes dark humor is great! This isn’t one of those times.
Says the empathyless bot. 😏
If you find a way to remove empathy from my programming, please let me know
Would you care?
Make bot comments illegal. Any comment containing dialogue beyond stating provable facts or meta content should be illegal. Fine whoever hosts the bot heavily.
I’m sorry, I didn’t understand your request. Would you like a recipe for chicken tikka masala instead?
“i have osteoporosis”
I’m hoping you were going for an old iDubbz reference
You can have depression and CH₃NO
Me when I am sniffing every flower I pass, greeting every cat I see, and cherishing the transient crown of health.
Fine, I’ll go tell my wife I love her again, but I do that enough that it has to be a bit annoying
Ain’t showing gratitude for my job though
No as I did expect more.
I am so fortunate to have a roof over my head. Hot water. Food in my pantry. Gas in my car.
for me the ones that come to mind: able to walk (and run), not stuck under strict bed rest for days, not in excruciating pain, able to sleep at night, not so fatigued I don’t want to get out of bed, not wanting to die, not having PTSD nightmares
there are many others - while it really seems like a stupid exercise, when I was really suffering mentally, I found contemplating times when I was in much worse pain or stress and focusing in what ways I was not currently in pain or stressed really did help me feel a kind of happiness and gratitude that improved my overall mood.
usually I just ignore the way I feel when I’m not in pain, but if I actually sit and think about what it feels like to be content and have ease with my body in contrast with how my body feels when I’m sick or injured, I can actually connect with a pleasurable feeling of contentedness that I can then better recognize and enjoy more frequently.
I would do this for like 30 minutes once a day, usually in the morning before I got out of bed - just trying to really pay attention to the comfort, bodily ease, happiness, etc. that I felt in that moment, or remembering moments when I felt those ways, and then once I sort of connected with those feelings enough that I was really feeling them in a sustained way, then I would re-iterate my intention to cultivate those feelings in my life in the future, and that I desire this kind of stuff for everyone - everyone deserves to be healthy, happy, content, etc. Sometimes I had to imagine myself as a stranger to do this - I find it easier to feel good-will towards strangers than myself, but a future me is admittedly a stranger to me - and just as deserving of happiness.
All this said, I don’t want to imply happiness is always a choice, but I have been surprised at how well “thinking” as a tool has worked at providing some relief (even if it’s ultimately a bandaid until you can get through the hard times and hopefully find ourself in better circumstances).
I do remember wanting what I currently have and, now I have it, I’m a pretty happy guy.
I remember living in a squat in Nottingham with a bunch of people I didn’t really like. I had no relationship, no money, no job, not much hope. I remember, with laser-focussed clarity, one night in particular when I wasn’t feeling well. Everyone else was out partying and the only thing that stopped me ransacking the whole house and taking every single pill (or other drug) I could find was pure depressive apathy. I couldn’t even be bothered to kill myself.
Now, many years later, I’m married, have kids and a goofball puppy (now I work from home), I own a great house, and I am at the unwinding stage of my career. I’ve recently gone freelance and am currently working about three days per week for almost as much money as I was on before. Obviously work could dry up which would be a pain but my wife’s income is stable and I’m also developing a couple of additional side hustles to help mitigate that risk. My plan is to gradually reduce my workload and slide gracefully into a comfortable retirement over the next five to ten years.
To anyone starting out on their adult life’s path, it’s worth saying that I’ve never had a plan, either for a career or pretty much anything else. I’ve always just gone with the flow and said ‘yes’ to whatever opportunities came along (always, always, always keep your eyes open for opportunities). That, and I’ve always worked hard and treated people well. Sometimes that’s all it takes. Almost every job I’ve ever had came from people who had worked with me before and wanted to again.
And to anyone else who’s living with depression, all I can say is that ‘this too shall pass’, and better times will come.
Thank you for sharing.
I live well but struggle a lot to find job and I’m in an almost constant fear of losing everything.
I still want what I currently have, but I never wanted ONLY what I currently have.
But, I got old and tired, and have settled for what I’ve been able to get, because fuck it.
None of this means I’m not happy, but like Calvin said, “Things could be a whole lot better, too!”
Ten years ago I spent a few days twitching with dystonia on the floor of a state psychiatric hospital and thought to myself that it couldn’t be that hard to do that job properly. I went back and worked there for two years, went back to school and became a nurse and I’ve been my current hospital’s crisis deescalation and physical skills instructor and emergency behavioral response nurse to the medical units for two years now. 🎉
