As someone who didn’t grow up in the US, I don’t have a large family here, nor do we have any thanksgiving traditions outside of turkey or ham for dinner. But I wanted to learn some new traditions, specially some I can do with adults as my kids are in college.
Oh, thanksgiving is the best around here!
My mom takes on a menu with enough dishes for a buffet in quantities large enough for an army base. She will insist no one is capable of helping her and halfway through bitch at everyone for not helping her.
One or two family members will show up late and my mom will start an argument about that before they open the door. My brother in law will be on call and throw a tantrum when he gets a call. My dad will ignore everything and watch the game. My sister and brother will go for a “walk,” which means they’re going to get higher than kites. My mom will be mad about this since they did that instead of helping her after she told them they are incompetent in the kitchen.
My brother will show up after we’ve started eating, and leave before we’ve finished. My mom will comment how nice it was that he found time to show up(genuinely).
Once the dinner has finished my mom will complain to no end that the same dishes that weren’t touched any year prior aren’t touched this year. I’m an asshole and comment that the reason is that she makes it the way she likes it and not the way anyone else does. She’ll scream that I’ve ruined another dinner.
After the tirade about how I think I’m superior in the kitchen(I am; I graduated top of my class at a prestigious culinary institute and after 10 years out of the field still get calls asking me to come back to places I’ve worked…) I will remind her that the thanksgiving I cooked there was no food leftover. I’ll then shrug my shoulders and clean up the kitchen that my mom didn’t bother to keep the least bit tidy as she cooked and not a single person rinsed a dish. It’s anarchy.
While my dad packs up the weeks worth of leftovers, everyone who didn’t do a thing will decimate the dessert table, including the cherry pie I hid because they eat my favorite pie entirely each year. I settle for an apple crisp instead, but my heart is broken.
Once this is all done, everyone takes a nap or goes for another “walk” and leaves as soon as they are done.
In case you’re wondering, I wash the dishes instead of grabbing pie because I can’t eat and then immediately go for pie. There is nothing I can do to save myself cherry pie. I’ve even made two before; same outcome. And I’m not making more than that because I make from scratch and that’s not easy.
I’m jealous of y’all who have these relaxing traditions. Ours feel like war.