if I was wasn’t the person she called to come over when she was scared at night and wasn’t her flatmate for a year before this event. At the time she was a sister to me and my SO and watching her not listen to basic safety was frustrating.

This is you describing codependency. This is not typical of all relationships, just codependent ones.

You wanted her to be scared of you. Not all men, but you. And if she’s scared of you, you think she will be under your control. Because you think it’s okay for men to seize bodily autonomy from women. I’m going to guess you have stupid ideas about child support, abortion, and marriage too.

What you’re saying is in “Why Does He Do That?” By Lundy Bancroft. Nothing new, nothing interesting, just justifications for why you give yourself permission to harm others.

Being familiar to her makes you MORE likely to abuse her, which is exactly what you did. Again, legally, you could be arrested for assault, battery, and possibly she could’ve legally killed you (if you had done that to me, you would be dead immediately FYI). That’s how clear the law is that what you did was wrong - you could have died over this and no one would’ve been on your side.