Do you think the pearly gates have one of those “You must be THIS high to ride” signs outside?
Short people will not go to heaven.
Well, obviously. They can’t reach.
Short people got no reason to live
Not OP, but I didn’t realize it was obscure lol
Lemmyshortpost
“Fuck short people” - Randy Newman
What about people who wear solid color t-shirts that have long-ass slogans on them which are super specific and seemingly only apply to a single person on the entire face of the Earth often written in a variety of fonts and font-sizes and including bizarre details about their lives like the t-shirt that was given to me by my same-sex lover on the second Saturday in June of 2021 to celebrate the fact that I managed to clear an entire thornless blackberry bush of berries that we used to make the most delicious blackberry cobbler from that very same evening?
What’s hilarious is I actually have that shirt
Who hurt you?
Heavn is a human construct, so really, nobody’s going there.
When I got my first tattoo 30 years ago, my then mother-in-law said I’d be in prison soon enough. So far I’ve managed to be a good citizen (it seems following the law is easy), but I’ve got a plan for this to prove her right. When I’m about to go bye bye , I’m going to strip naked and run around on live TV, probably at a sporting event. That will at least get me arrested, and if I resist arrest and generally be annoying, I’m might go to prison to let the state pay for all the medical things associated with my demise. These tattoos are a bad influence. Hell awaits.
my mom said i’d go to prison if i got an electric bike and she’s right. the local prison has a bike shop as part of their programs and i bought my bike there
Did Randy Newman answer your question personally?
Nobody will go to heaven because heaven is not real.
I would sooner ride a camel through the eye of a needle than go to heaven
You’re rich?
Fake it til you make it?
I gotta check that place out if I’m ever in the area.
how can you tell someone anonymous online is an atheist?
they’ll let you know
That’s fallacious reasoning.
Not all religions believe in heaven.
oh so you’re religious? that surely contradicts my annoying atheists can’t shut the fuck up theory
Additionally, Atheists aren’t the ones who go door to door trying to convert people, or leave tracts in public restrooms.
Theists seem to be the ones who can’t / won’t shut up.
that’s a lot of non answer
I made no claim to anything other than the disbelief in heaven.
You’re making assumptions.
yeah the point is none of them religious people who don’t believe in heaven wrote that
My point is that you can’t say with certainty that I’m either religious or not by that statement alone.
Yes, we all agree that you’re very smart for passing a logical reasoning quiz.
it wasn’t by the statement alone; it was by the fact that you couldn’t help but make the statement.
That’s what you believe. So do i.
deleted by creator
That’s the logical conclusion based on neuroscience finding that souls don’t exist.
Pardon, what? Not saying you’re wrong but this sounds like something that can’t be proved. I would love a source if you don’t mind!
Overcook chicken? Believe it or not, also no heaven
Did you ever pet a dog the wrong direction and make their hair all scrunchified? Also no heaven.
No, but I have done that to a cat, so I can’t go to hell either.
Undercook, no heaven. Overcook, undercook.
Straight to hell
Sounds like heaven is not for cool kids
Well since I’m already short and can’t do anything about it, I guess I’m free to have as much pork, alcohol, and tattoos as I please!
You just rediscovered Dark Calvinism
Yo, I like this.
Pork tattoos!
Tats of Piggies getting shitfaced.
…and eating lobster
Almost makes me miss /r/ketodrunk
*c/ketodrunk
This is not reddit, this is lemmy. Just wanted to remind it.
That’s why I said miss it. Believe it or not, Reddit did and still does exist. I’d like to think we’re not a cult that demands pretending that our before-lives never existed.
c/mandelaeffect
I see many people here collectively misremembering a platform called reddit and not gonna lie, I kind of also do somehow
my god you’re right
they’re talking about a subreddit though
I’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints. The sinners have much more fun. Only the good die young.
What if god said you may go to heaven only if you climb these stairs but you’re on a wheelchair type shit
Removed tattoos, just like lost limbs, will return when you enter Heaven.
Not excited about getting my impacted wisdom teeth back. I’m starting to think God’s a bit of a dick.
Ah, so when entering heaven, I’ll get mind back?
my wife is happier without her lost organs just like i’m happier without my lost ones. please no.
