Am as described, (well, part of my hair is long, the middle. Sides not so much), wear band shirts (punk/metal mostly), and pull out the boots in the winter myself, buuuuuut
Only way a guy could fuck it up for himself with me was if he started the nice guy routine or was so socially awkward he couldn’t talk to a girl.
100% I’d miss whatever sly little hints you’re throwing, and even if I noticed them I’d think you’re surely just being nice and there’s no way you’re into me.
I’d imagine I’m far from the only one, not talking at all on the date or being able to leave home is a little far lol, but don’t write us off just because we are a little awkward or would rather miss signals than make someone feel uncomfortable being hit on in public! I mean hell, why do you think we have long hair and like metal/punk? It’s often partially because we’re a little socially awkward/anxious, and that community is very understanding of it!
My friend, I am not remotely the sly hinty type. I am an elephant in a china shop if I decide to pursue a guy.
At the same time, I am the queen of obliviousness if a guy I deeply respect and like shows me any form of romantic attention, because I don’t believe that someone that amazing could ever like someone like me. Took my boyfriend a few months of sending literal love letters with romantic quotes and pressed flowers, a few visits to my apartment where we would just hang out and get to know each other and him telling me bluntly to my face after a few months that he had a crush on me before the hamster wheel started spinning in my head. The effort he put in to get to know me and to woo me was completely fucking alien to me because most of my romantic endeavors in the past had been me pulling teeth. So, I totally get the concept of being dumb as a brick when somebody likes you.
but don’t write us off just because we are a little awkward
My guy. I’m not talking about a “little” awkward. The example I gave was of a guy with debilitating social anxiety. When I said “so shy and awkward he couldn’t talk to a girl” I mean it literally. He did not talk to me. He barely looked at me. I walked 20 km to see him at his place (which is pretty fucking stupid, but very gracious of a then 17 year old girl who just wanted this random guy she had never met, to feel comfortable) and I sat there and held a one-sided conversation afloat for at least an hour while he was a potato across from me. He was not a bad guy, he just could not talk to a girl. Probably never had talked to a girl until I came by. I gave up eventually and walked all the way back. 20 km.
I have never written a guy off for being a little awkward. Ever. What I did do was to often put my own comforts, needs and emotional well being on hold for guys who didn’t bother to give anything back at all. I have dated shy, awkward and mentally ill guys. They weren’t great to me. At all. I did all the work all the time and if I ever asked for a crumb of affection I had to deal with tantrums about how they had social anxiety or depression or something else so my comforts didn’t matter because they had it worse and they came first and I had to be more mindful and patient with them.
Being a little shy and awkward is fine. I don’t mind that at all. I mind it when it becomes what defines a person and they feel entitled to make their issue someone else’s responsibility to carry for them.
Relationships are a two way street. You can be shy and awkward and even have social anxiety, but that is not up to a potential partner to fix or accommodate for you at the expense of their own mental and physical health. That is your burden to bear. In dating you cannot sit in silence and let the other person do all the work for you and then get offended if they move on from you. If you give them nothing, they won’t stick around. Even a doormat like me ended up not wanting to deal with that bs anymore and I was lucky enough to end up with someone who understands that you need to earn the other person’s affection and loyalty. It is not owed to you.
Am as described, (well, part of my hair is long, the middle. Sides not so much), wear band shirts (punk/metal mostly), and pull out the boots in the winter myself, buuuuuut
100% I’d miss whatever sly little hints you’re throwing, and even if I noticed them I’d think you’re surely just being nice and there’s no way you’re into me.
I’d imagine I’m far from the only one, not talking at all on the date or being able to leave home is a little far lol, but don’t write us off just because we are a little awkward or would rather miss signals than make someone feel uncomfortable being hit on in public! I mean hell, why do you think we have long hair and like metal/punk? It’s often partially because we’re a little socially awkward/anxious, and that community is very understanding of it!
My friend, I am not remotely the sly hinty type. I am an elephant in a china shop if I decide to pursue a guy.
At the same time, I am the queen of obliviousness if a guy I deeply respect and like shows me any form of romantic attention, because I don’t believe that someone that amazing could ever like someone like me. Took my boyfriend a few months of sending literal love letters with romantic quotes and pressed flowers, a few visits to my apartment where we would just hang out and get to know each other and him telling me bluntly to my face after a few months that he had a crush on me before the hamster wheel started spinning in my head. The effort he put in to get to know me and to woo me was completely fucking alien to me because most of my romantic endeavors in the past had been me pulling teeth. So, I totally get the concept of being dumb as a brick when somebody likes you.
My guy. I’m not talking about a “little” awkward. The example I gave was of a guy with debilitating social anxiety. When I said “so shy and awkward he couldn’t talk to a girl” I mean it literally. He did not talk to me. He barely looked at me. I walked 20 km to see him at his place (which is pretty fucking stupid, but very gracious of a then 17 year old girl who just wanted this random guy she had never met, to feel comfortable) and I sat there and held a one-sided conversation afloat for at least an hour while he was a potato across from me. He was not a bad guy, he just could not talk to a girl. Probably never had talked to a girl until I came by. I gave up eventually and walked all the way back. 20 km.
I have never written a guy off for being a little awkward. Ever. What I did do was to often put my own comforts, needs and emotional well being on hold for guys who didn’t bother to give anything back at all. I have dated shy, awkward and mentally ill guys. They weren’t great to me. At all. I did all the work all the time and if I ever asked for a crumb of affection I had to deal with tantrums about how they had social anxiety or depression or something else so my comforts didn’t matter because they had it worse and they came first and I had to be more mindful and patient with them.
Being a little shy and awkward is fine. I don’t mind that at all. I mind it when it becomes what defines a person and they feel entitled to make their issue someone else’s responsibility to carry for them.
Relationships are a two way street. You can be shy and awkward and even have social anxiety, but that is not up to a potential partner to fix or accommodate for you at the expense of their own mental and physical health. That is your burden to bear. In dating you cannot sit in silence and let the other person do all the work for you and then get offended if they move on from you. If you give them nothing, they won’t stick around. Even a doormat like me ended up not wanting to deal with that bs anymore and I was lucky enough to end up with someone who understands that you need to earn the other person’s affection and loyalty. It is not owed to you.
We’re not so different, you and I.