It kinda looks like a dude bent over from behind, hangy balls flappin’ in the breeze

Idk, man, depends on the bags, but I love getting the flesh purse dangled into my enamal-bladed bear trap sometimes

My boyfriend once got lock jaw while giving head to his ex. He got it out, but it was tight and it scratch up his dick pretty good from what I understand. Bf had to go to urgent care because his jaw was stuck mid blowjob for over an hour. They told the doc he had been eating a sandwich when it happened.

The funny part, though, is that they were hosting family for a weekend, and had snuck off for a mid day quickie when it happened lmao

I wish I were able to make a gif on my phone right now. You know the homer Simpson “mmmm, donuts” one?

“Mmm, painal”,

Thank you so much! I was just trying to tell a friend about one of my favorite webcomics from years ago, but it’s been so long that I had completely forgotten the name, and could only describe it as “basically it’s like if the flag balls were people, and it’s set in Europe, but I can’t remember where”

First time I ever found out some guys couldn’t do that was wild. He was so fucking fascinated by my bobbling bell end it was wild lol

Two stories:

My mom was in a religious school for a few years, and her craziest story was sex Ed, which was mandated in the state at the time. The entire class was “take this shoebox home.” Literally no other instructions. The shoebox contained a mirror and nothing else. It was 20 years later before she realized what the mirror was for, because she wasn’t informed it was a sex Ed class.

ETA: the school was mixed gender, the classes were not. Girls had separate classes from boys. The mirror was for standing over and seeing that you do, indeed, have a vagina, and then gaining absolutely other information

I was homeschooled, but not in a religious way. My mom ordered the books the state told her to order. When we got them they were fine, until we got to the science module and it told us how ancient humans and dinosaurs lived side by side. … My mom immediately ordered different books.

It depends on if this alligator is in ecstasy or agony, I cannot tell.

But the answer to either: anal

I personally don’t use twitter, and for what it’s worth, I also don’t really consider it a meme. I just meant that the twitter screenshots have been used as memes and in meme communities since around that time, per my own experiences

If we’re using a descriptive model of linguistics, then I’d say about 2012 or so

I want to continue the joke, but honestly, that was the best reply possible and there is no way to top it

He’s such a good boy. He was my mom’s favorite child, she was his human. I’m the spare. Haha. When she passed last year, I didn’t think he’d make it, but honestly, he’s gotten me through this last year.

I’m not joking when I say this little boy is getting a quinceañero. He’s gonna have a frickin’ party

Fellow member of the Church of the Holy Weiner, I see! Salutations and glory to the Almighty Long Ones!

Nothing tops Attenborough’s hatred of the toad for me

Fun fact! Hermit crabs have a better housing economy than we do! When a crab that needs a new shell stumbles upon one that is too large for itself, it will wait around for another crab of the appropriate size to take it, and then take the smaller shell it discards. They will often do this with a line of several crabs, effectively creating a socialist housing system in which each crab gets the correct sized home for itself.

That’s hilarious! I opened your reply up and held it for later and did the same thing, before ever reading your reply! Lol

And way too much coincidence. I won’t post my whole name, but I’m actually a hyphenate as well. My mom wrote her ex husband’s name on the birth certificate because when I was born it was a c section, but when they cut her she felt it. She’d had so many epidurals previously because of her surgeries for her disabilities that he had just built an immunity to them is our best guess they had to knock her out, and they asked her to sign the birth certificate before the drugs had fully worn off. Haha. So the birth certificate had one name (her ex husband and my brother’s name) and SS had another (my father’s) name, and no body ever realized the mistake until it came time to get it drivers license. I ended up hyphenating them as it was cheaper than getting one or the other changed at the time.

Should I ever get married I want to just add the third name. I really like the idea of collecting names haha

Also! Bridge tunnel story! The entire reason we moved to Hampton Roads is because we were living in a school bus, traveling and setting up with the carnival at the time. Very long sort of fall from grace type scenario. Haha. But the bus broke down inside in the tunnel. We were stuck there for hours and hours. We caused a huge traffic jam. And my mom was terribly claustrophobic. By the time the wrecker got there and got us out of the tunnel she told them to take us to the nearest camp ground instead of a mechanic. She was done. We stayed in a campground in Chesapeake for a few months and then didn’t leave Hampton roads for 15 years

I’m very sorry. But to make it up to you I know a sweet little patch of land perfect for camping. It’s about halfway between BFE and You Gotta Purdy Mouf, just north of Cousin Fuck, Mississippi.

Congrats on your first seizure!

Thanks! I hated it!

And yeah, what I wrote wasn’t articulated as well as it should have been given my state. But I agree. The labor of raising the next generation of humans is labor. Mostly unpaid, unappreciated labor. You should get more leeway for that. Like, constitutionally. Pay them folk. The point I was making wasn’t supposed to be that parents do or do not get more leniency, I mainly was just loopy from the lightning in my skull and was rambly about how the way we treat labor in general fucking sucks and that being more firm when you tell an employer that they don’t get to decide when you’re available is damn near a life hack at this point

Be careful sharing secret camp spot pics. Geo guessers show up and they’re all like “so I zoomed in and noticed the infamous 83 spot spotted beetle whose range only extends 13 square feet in any given direction from this exact spot, but I wanted to be accurate instead of so loose with my guess, so I did some research on that exact cloud in the sky and compared it with what we know about this hyper local species of dandelion I can see in the far left of the second image, and I have it narrowed down to 12 square inches somewhere in western bumblefuck, Arkansas. I’m sorry I couldn’t get any closer, hopefully someone can come in with a better guess!”

Feeling much gooder today. Just been awake too long lol