Please set your cell phones to vibrate mode, and your vibrators to cell phone mode.

I set my screen resolution to 1024x1, but now I can only see one column of pixels, anyone else having the same issue?

Hm, it just doesn’t have an effect in text mode.

Could they have instead put this in a series of overlapping, mismatched panels and popups that use the majority of my screen? I could have absorbed it a bit better.

The caps lock makes sense! A key logger will get confused when you type your passwords in.