We’ve had a sign posted at work saying “We are proud to be a drug-free workplace. All new and current employees are subject to drug testing at any time.”

Not. Once. Not even when Jimmy came in to work each evening with the smell of weed wafting off of him. I could probably lay rails on my work table right in front of the security camera and hit one each hour and nothing would happen.

Remember everyone: Possums are awesome. Among the awesome things they do, they eat ticks! Possums are helping to control the spread of Lyme disease and other diseases just by doing what they do.

Plot twist: Chris and Debra didn’t actually hook up. She got it from a vanilla shake Chris made for her.

You’re sick, Chris. You want to get written up again?

Pretty sure that’s been classified as an act of terrorism.

Bet it runs Doom though.

God my artery is so fucking hard rn.

Have I been playing Skyrim wrong all this time?

“Jfc not again…”

Poland, probably.

This is clearly pro-ACME propaganda.

I don’t think the mods sleep as much as you people think.

throws a pumpkin at a tree

Spirituality (final tier):

To the death!

Lol it wasn’t serious. Little bruise and a reminder that my body doesn’t enjoy that kind of abuse the way it used to. I should probably stay out of mosh pits from now on. But I’m learning that I can’t rely on youthful energy, caffeine, and processed sugar to get me through life anymore and I’m taking steps to keep myself in shape.

Thank you. I have a bruise on my ass.